


Armed with kitchen gear

by Caskettmyheart



Series: Little Carmilla AU's [2]
Category: Carmilla (Web Series), Carmilla - All Media Types
Genre: AU, F/F, helpful Carmilla
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-05
Updated: 2016-05-08
Packaged: 2018-03-21 10:14:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 22,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3688413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caskettmyheart/pseuds/Caskettmyheart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>based on this Prompt: "this is totally awkward considering before this the only interactions we’ve ever had have been casual nods to each other in the hallway but there’s a huge fucking spider in my bath tub and you seem like the friendly neighbor type please help me” au</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

No. This was not happening to her! Laura stood there, about to start undressing herself as she stared at the hairy monster in the bathtub. She had been going about her normal day, getting ready for bed. But when she reached over her tub to turn the water on, she saw it. There, in the corner of the tub, was a huge mother f-in spider staring right at her. She had jumped away from the bathtub, trying to collect herself before daring to glance over the edge once more. She groaned. She had been really looking forward to this bath and now there was a monster blocking her way!  
It wasn’t like she was terrified of spiders, but this one was really big. And it was hairy… Ew, gross. She couldn’t deal with this right now. She ran to her kitchen and grabbed a pot, oven mitts and a spatula and returned to the bathroom where the spider was still minding its own business in the corner of her bathtub. 

Her plan? Well… she didn’t really have a plan exactly. She was more or less just going to try and put the spider in the pot, and then throw the pot out along with the spider. As far away from her as she could. There was no way that she would be using that pot again. Or that spatula, if it ever touched that ugly animal.  
She tried to convince herself it was now or never as she put on the oven mitts and grabbed her spatula in one hand, and the pot in the other. She stood there staring at it a second longer before she bent down and reached with her spatula to nudge it into the pot when the spider suddenly moved and crawled onto the spatula. Laura shrieked and dropped everything as she ran out of the bathroom, slamming the door shut and running out of her apartment. Now what was she going to do?

As she stood there in the hall, she noticed the punk rock music coming from the apartment on the other side of the hall. Then, she had an idea. She knew a dark haired young woman lived there who was obviously into punk rock music. She had heard the music blasting from the apartment more than once, but she didn’t complain because it wasn’t bad music… And well, she was kind of scared of her. They only had one interaction with each other, which had given Laura the impression that the dark haired woman wasn’t a people person at all. But right now she figured, if there is someone that can help her with this spider problem it ought to be her, right?  
She walked up to the door on the other side of the hallway with the big letters 307 on it and knocked. She frowned when her knocks didn’t sound louder than a thump and looked at her hands. She was still wearing the mitts… She felt slightly embarrassed by this so she furiously took them off and knocked again. She was about to wonder if the woman had heard her when the door unlocked and it flung open. There was the woman, leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed as she gave Laura a once over.

“Yes?” the husky voice suited the black clothed young woman perfectly and made Laura shiver in the best way possible.  
“Uh, hi. I’m Laura, your neighbor.” Laura hadn’t actually thought about what she would say to her once she came face to face with her. “And uh, I have a little problem. I hoped you could help me with it.”  
One of the dark haired young woman’s eyebrows rose up in a perfect arch as she listened to Laura.  
“And what exactly is this little problem of yours, creampuff?”  
Laura bit her lip as she realized how ridiculous it might sound to the tough looking young woman.  
“Uh, it’s- I… There’s a spider. A huge spider in my bathtub. And I –“ She was interrupted by a snicker from the yet nameless young woman standing in front of her.  
“I’m sorry. A spider? That’s what you need my help with?” Laura saw that the young woman had to bite back a huge smile that was almost creeping up on her face.  
“I know how it must sound, but it’s really big and hairy and it’s in my tub! Can you please please please help me?” Laura begged to her neighbor.  
The punk rocker sighed and let her head hang for a second before looking at Laura. “Okay, sure. Why not?” Which resulted in a shriek from Laura who couldn’t stop saying ‘thank you’.  
Laura led them into the apartment but when they were about to walk into the bathroom she stopped and gestured for her neighbor to enter first.  
“Oh, you’re kidding me right? This must be one huge spider.” Laura could only nod wide eyed.  
She followed the other woman inside and hid behind her. “Yeah, it’s under the pot. It crawled on my spatula and I dropped everything and ran out.”

\---  
Carmilla’s POV  
Shaking her head with a grin plastered on her face, the punk rocker lifted the pot and revealed the spider from the darkness. She laughed at how Laura didn’t dare look at it.  
Laura had been right though. This spider was in fact bigger than most. But not nearly the biggest she’d ever seen. After all, she had owned a tarantula once…  
She reached down to let the little guy crawl onto her hand. A shriek followed the action as Laura frantically asked her what the hell she was doing. The little guy fit into her palm, so he wasn’t that big.  
“Oh come on, creampuff. Look how innocent it is. I’ll set it free outside, okay?” she said to the slightly shorter girl. Laura just looked at her like she was crazy and made sure to take a few steps back as she walked to the window to set the spider free.  
“Are you sure you don’t want to keep it as a pet?” she grinned. Laura groaned in response.  
“Please just get it out.” Laura’s voice seemed tired and she decided to just stop the teasing and release the spider outside. She put her hand against the wall and let the spider crawl out before closing the window and turning to her neighbor. 

“Any other problems you’d like my help with?” she wiggled her eyebrows suggestively and watched as Laura’s eyes widened and swallowed hard.  
“No thanks.” Laura started and hesitantly went on, “I just realized I don’t even know your name.”  
“Carmilla.” She simply stated as she watched the girl smile.  
“Thank you for your help Carmilla.” Laura stuck her hand out to shake hers. She took it, though it felt awkward and unnatural.  
“No problem, cutie.” She smirked.  
“My name is Laura by the way.” Laura said which made Carmilla crackle up a bit.  
“Yeah, I know.” She simply said which resulted in a puzzled look from Laura. “I saw you around campus.” She simply stated with a shrug.  
“I’m sorry. I can’t remember seeing you there.” Laura felt slightly ashamed.  
“Don’t worry about it.” Carmilla said to her and started to walk towards the front door.  
“Hey, uh, can I call you if I ever need your help again?” Laura hesitantly asked.  
“You don’t need a reason to call me, cupcake.” She gave Laura a wink and walked out the door. She allowed herself to smile when she was out of sight. Finally, Carmilla will get to know the girl she had been crushing on for an entire year.


	2. Weapon Of Choice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laura is making a mess and Carmilla comes to the rescue. Who know the numbers on a toaster weren't a grade of toastiness?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did not think I'd come up with another fluffy reason for Laura to need her tough neighbor Carmilla... But I did. I hope you love it as much as the first chapter.   
> Enjoy!

Carmilla woke up with an annoying ringing in her ears that sounded very distant. She groaned as she grabbed her pillow from underneath her head and slammed it over her ear. But the ringing wouldn’t stop. She heaved a great sigh before lifting her head slightly and looking at the clock on her bedside table.   
“Oh my _god_ ,” she groaned again when she saw that it wasn’t even past eight AM. What sane person woke up before eight on weekends anyways? But with this annoying ringing slash alarming sound, she couldn’t help but throw a shoe at the person causing it. So, grumpy as ever- with a huge case of bedhead- she untangled herself from the sheets and stood up. She was only wearing a black tank top and panties so she loosely put on her red robe before grabbing one of her old doc martins and marching towards noise.

To Carmilla’s surprise, it came from Laura’s apartment. Sweet innocent little Laura was the cause of the disturbing noise? Carmilla knocked irritably on the door, not stopping until she heard a loud crash that came from inside. Her heart jumped as scenarios of Laura getting hurt raced through her mind. She grabbed at the doorknob and was glad it was unlocked. She swung the door open in haste, making the irritating alarm incredibly loud, and quickly entered the apartment only to come to a halt two steps in.

There was cute Laura in her flannel pajama pants, white tank top and long ponytail surrounded by a yellow pillow, a cooking pot, an oven mitt and a spatula in her hand. The other items were scattered on the ground. Laura was trying to reach the smoke detector that hung high up her wall with the spatula.

“Creampuff, what the freaking hell is going on in here?” Carmilla said just loud enough to make Laura notice her over the blaring alarm coming from the smoke detector. Laura hadn’t heard her enter apparently because she jumped and spun around in a second, nearly making her fall right on her face. Instead she tripped and landed with her butt right on the yellow pillow, facing Carmilla.   
Carmilla’s heart seemed to stop. Laura looked absolutely adorable with the little helpless pout on her face and her ponytail all messy. But she quickly snapped out of it and moved forward to help get Laura upright, letting the door fall shut behind her.

“What the hell is going on?” Carmilla repeated as she helped Laura up by her elbows. The fact that they were standing only inches apart didn’t go unnoticed by her but she swallowed and tried to focus.   
“I can’t turn the smoke detector off! Carmilla please tell me you know how to disarm that thing?” Laura spoke as she turned away from Carmilla and towards the thing still blaring.  
“You want to explain to me what’s going on here?” Carmilla asked. Laura seemed to be turning a shade of red as she frantically shook her head.   
“Later, just please tell me you can fix that thing.” Laura pleaded and Carmilla sighed. She grumbled a response that couldn’t be heard over the alarm and regarded the annoying device for a second. She put her arm up to aim the shoe and threw it as hard as she could at the annoying device.  
With a crack of the plastic, the smoke detector’s annoying beep stopped and Carmilla heard Laura let out a sigh of relief.   
“Oh thank god.”  
“Thank god? I don’t see god throwing a shoe at that horrendous thing, do you?” Carmilla said only slightly kidding. She was still not amused that it woke her up.   
Laura turned back to Carmilla, then glanced at the shoe. “Your weapon of choice was a shoe?”   
She arched her brow in response to this. “Cupcake, your weapon of choice was a spatula. Who turned it off?” A smirk was playing on her lips but her face remained as it was.   
“Turned it off? It’s not off, it’s broken!” Laura complained, regarding the broken plastic pieces all over the kitchen counter and floor surrounding the various objects. She still had the spatula in her hand.   
“Hey, you wanted it off. It’s off.” Carmilla’s voice had a bit off an annoyed sound to it and Laura seemed to deflate.   
“I’m sorry, I- wait were you still asleep?” Laura seemed to only realize now that Carmilla was standing in something that wasn’t even considered clothing in her apartment. Carmilla saw her blush as the honey brown eyes raked over her body. Carmilla couldn’t hold back the smirk.   
“Like what you see?” she teased. Laura’s cheeks turned a deep red at the remark and it made Carmilla chuckle, “Your stupid alarm there woke me up. Care to explain why it was disturbing my sleep at this unholy hour?” Laura had started to pick up the various items like the pot and the big, bright yellow pillow off from the floor to distract herself and give her cheeks time to turn to their normal skin color.   
“I mean I guess you deserve to know. But you have to promise me something,” Laura said as she walked to her couch after putting the spatula, pot and oven mitt away. She was clutching the yellow pillow to her chest as she sat down. Carmilla took this as an invitation to follow and she sat herself on the armchair opposite the couch, regarding Laura. When Laura didn’t go on, Carmilla said, “Alright?” And listened.   
“You can’t laugh at me.” Laura stated very seriously and Carmilla couldn’t help but let the corners of her mouth turn up. “You’re already laughing! I’m not telling you then.”   
“Creampuff, technically I was merely smiling and I still believe I deserve to know. I can’t promise but I will try not to laugh, k?” Carmilla spoke and Laura seemed to be satisfied with the answer.

“So, you know how there are numbers on a toaster?” Laura carefully started. Carmilla just nodded, already expecting what Laura was going to say next. “Turns out they don’t stand for ‘grade-of-toastiness’ but for minutes instead. I mean, did you know that?”  
Looking back on it now, Carmilla would have given herself a medal for not full on laughing at Laura right about now. Instead, Carmilla had steeled herself for this explanation and remained _fairly_ neutral. And when she says fairly she means she only chuckled a bit and smiled.   
“Yes, cupcake. I did know that.” She couldn’t help the little chuckle and moved her hand to cover her mouth to try and hide it.   
Laura threw the yellow pillow at her and it hit her square in the face. “You’re laughing! You said you weren’t going to laugh.” Laura’s face formed a pouty look. Carmilla was now holding the pillow close like Laura had done. “I never said I would, I just said I would try.” The pillow smelled like Laura and that wasn’t doing her train of thoughts any good so she threw it back to Laura.   
“So yes, I burnt the toast and the smoke detector went off and it just wouldn’t turn off. I also don’t really have a screwdriver lying around so I couldn’t just take the batteries out. I started throwing things hoping it would stop but it didn’t.” Laura was fiddling with her hands in her lap, the pillow beside her. She looked up at Carmilla with this intense look, “And then you walked in.”

It took Carmilla by surprise how beautiful she looked in that moment. Absolutely breathtaking. All the times she’d seen Laura on campus, her with her friends, she’d always piqued her interest but never had she noticed exactly how beautiful the honey brown eyes were, and how her hair changed color in the sunlight. She was completely lost in the moment and they just sat there for a moment, looking at each other.

She snapped out of it when she realized how creepy she must look and stood up.   
“It’s a good thing you have a neighbor with heavy combat boots to throw at the smoke detectors then,” Carmilla cleared her throat as she walked back to the kitchen to retrieve her shoe.   
Laura followed her. “Wait you’re going?” Her voice actually sounded disappointed. Carmilla pretended that didn’t lift her spirits but it was hard to think that Laura actually liked her company. She was probably imagining things anyways. To avoid disappointment, Carmilla stayed turned away from Laura as she moved back towards the front door.   
“Yeah. I got stuff to do, you know? I’m up now, can’t just go back to bed…” Carmilla trailed off. She could have been out of here long ago. She could just go now but inside she was still hoping, though her mind told her to just go and walk out the door.   
“I woke you up, let me make it up to you. I can make you breakfast or something?” Laura suggested.   
Carmilla took a breath, one hand clutched around her shoe, the other on the doorknob. She turned the doorknob and stepped through the door before turning back towards Laura. Her mind won the battle but she decided to not shut the girl out completely. She spoke softly, and closed the door behind her.   
“Maybe another time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going back to school tomorrow and hoping for an email filled with Kudos to lift my spirits a bit...
> 
> I wish you all the best in 2016.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Credits to Eleanor, who is the reason I continued this story in the first place. Thanks.
> 
> And to my childhood friend Marit, who gave me the idea for this chapter's disaster. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Since the fire alarm, it had been rather silent on the ask-the-cute-neighbour-to-help-me front. Laura was having a week of luck when it came to her clumsiness. A day without dropping something was not uncommon. A week without anything happening related to her clumsiness was different. So Laura, snug as a bug in a rug in her apartment, had no reason to call Carmilla to the rescue. With how they left things last time, Laura thought they both could use a breather. Well, she couldn’t really speak on Carmilla’s behalf, but she sure needed a break from her heart skipping beats whenever the punk-rocker was close. Maybe she should have been more specific when trying to ask her out. But being too straight forward had never been her forte. Everyone knew breakfast wasn’t just breakfast. Breakfast wasn’t just a date either. Breakfast was special. So maybe that was a step in the wrong direction for now. Maybe she should do something little first… Like make her coffee… No. That wouldn’t work. Everyone knew how to make decent coffee, right?

Laura wandered towards her stereo and LP’s. She could practically hear her own brain trying to come up with a plan to contact Carmilla in some way. Going over there with nothing seemed wrong somehow. Maybe she could make her a sort of thank you gift? For the spider and the alarm. She did wake her up in the first place. Yeah, that could work.   
Laura realized she was going through her LP’s trying to find one she wanted to put on. She skipped through her vocal jazz collection. That was late-night music. For another time. She arrived at the more alternative ones and found one she loved. Fleetwood Mac’s _Rumours_. It carried some of her favorite songs like _Go Your Own Way, Songbird_ and _Dreams_. She took the LP out of its cover and put it on the record player. _Second Hand News_ started playing soon after and she started bobbing along to the catchy tune. It never failed to make her dance.

Laura went to her kitchen and opened her fridge. She still hadn’t had lunch and it was nearing 2 pm. She had a bunch of eggs but didn’t really feel like omelets again. She ate those too much. She was murmuring along with the chorus of the song that played in the background while she looked through the rest of her fridge. And as the song slowly came to an end, a brilliant – though she said so herself – idea came to mind. Waffles! Carmilla would love waffles, right? Laura loved them. So much so that one of the items on her bucket list was: “Go to Belgium to eat ‘Luikse Wafels’.”

Laura immediately grabbed all the ingredients she had to use. She didn’t need a recipe to tell her how much of everything she had to use because she knew it by heart. She had always loved to make waffles with her dad and years of practice gave her an advantage.   
As she made the batter and heated up the waffle iron, she softly song along to _Dreams._ The amount of batter she was making was probably a bit too much but she just went with it. She was going to give a bunch to Carmilla anyways so it didn’t matter, really.

By the time the iron was hot, and the batter was ready, she was soulfully singing along to Don’t Stop and dancing along, swinging the bowl with batter while she whisked away. The sizzle of the batter on the hot iron was music to her ears. She danced around the kitchen, putting away stuff she didn’t need anymore while she waited for the waffles to bake. As she was regarding the kitchen, she did admit to herself that she could have tried to keep it a little cleaner… There was flour on the cooking island, but also on the counter and even a bit on the floor. _Oh god_.   
She took the waffles out, put new batter in and closed the iron once more. She cleaned up a bit in between every time, hoping not too spend too much time on the dishes and cleaning the kitchen. She wanted to thank Carmilla sooner rather than later. Or maybe she just wanted to see Carmilla. Like, soon.

When she was done, she had an entire kitchen isle full of waffles. She’d been cleaning up and doing the dishes but now she was done and could take the waffles to Carmilla. She buzzed around her kitchen island to grab a plastic food container and put about ten waffles in it. That left about 15 for herself – which was more than enough. She put another one in her mouth.   
“Oh wow, I really did well this time,” she muttered to herself as she walked through the door and up to Carmilla’s door with the container clutched in her hands. She knocked on the door and waited. This time, there was no loud music coming from inside. Maybe she was still asleep? She didn’t answer, that much Laura knew for sure.

Laura knocked again and waited. By now, her own waffle was completely gone. She just liked her own baking so much. Maybe she should just come back later. It was around 3 pm on a Friday. Maybe she was out? People do tend to go out of their own homes to do stuff with people, Laura reminded herself. Just because she liked to stay in didn’t mean everyone else does.   
So Laura decided to just go back to her apartment and keep an eye out for Carmilla. She didn’t really want to just place the container in front of her door in case curious neighbours were waffle-thieves. Alright, there was really only one other neighbour on this floor but you never know, right?  
Laura put the container under her arm and yanked at the door handle. She nearly walked right into the door because she expected the door to open. It didn’t.

She frowned. She tried to open it again. Nothing _. Oh crap_. She nearly dropped the container as she patted herself for her keys.   
“No, no no no no nooooo,” Laura groaned. “Dammit!” She nearly shouted it as she let her forehead fall against the door. Of course she forgot her keys inside and the door locked itself. And of course she didn’t take her phone with her. Why would she? _Crap._ She whimpered as she turned her back to the door and let herself slide down it.   
“Stupid, stupid, stupid. I just had to make her waffles and I just had to run out the door without checking if I had the damn keys,” she continued muttering to herself as she banged her the back of her head against the door. Not hard, but hard enough to feel the thump ring through her head. All she could do right now was wait. … And to make matters worse, she had to pee.   
“Oh this is just wonderful,” she groaned again as she opened the container of waffles and grabbed one. She took a large bite and waited. And waited. And waited…

 

Because she didn’t have a phone, she had no idea how long she’d been sitting there. She did know that she was five waffles into waiting when the elevator dinged. Her head shot up at the sound and the container of waffles nearly fell off her belly. The doors slid open and she saw a combat boot take the first step into the hallway. Finally! She looked up at Carmilla and gave her a sheepish smile.   
“Uh, hi,” Laura spoke as Carmilla regarded her, her brows slightly furrowed, one a bit higher than the other. Laura wondered if she could do that too or if it was just a special Carmilla thing.  
“Hi?” the other girl said curiously.   
“Hi,” Laura repeated as she got up from the floor. “I know what you’re going to ask, and it’s a long explanation. “ Laura sighed and ran her hand through her hair.   
To her surprise though, Carmilla asked a different question.   
“Why is there flower on your hair?” Her voice was husky and low as ever, it kind of sounded like she hadn’t slept in a while. Or just woke up.   
Laura’s hands shot to her hair and she tried to swat it out, which made Carmilla stifle a laugh. Laura could hear it in the other girl’s voice that she was amused.   
“That’s not going to help, cutie.” Carmilla said and she reached a hand out to help Laura. Laura immediately stilled and dropped her arms. Carmilla’s fingers were running through her hair, trying to get the flour out and it just felt so nice. Her heart skipped a beat – this really wasn’t healthy – and she looked up at Carmilla through her hair. She really was beautiful. Even more so in that leather vest. She’d guessed Carmilla was an all-black, or mostly black, kind of girl when it came to clothing. And a leather vest suited her perfectly.   
When Carmilla pulled her hands back, Laura missed them almost instantly.   
“There,” Carmilla said, “Care to elaborate?” she asked.   
Laura, still not recovered from Carmilla’s hands in her hair, looked at the container in her hands as if she needed a reminder as to what brought her here.   
“Oh, right I uh- I made you waffles.” And with the confused look Carmilla gave her, she felt she should explain. “Well, you saved me, like twice already. First the spider then the fire alarm, and I felt like I needed to thank you somehow. But you wouldn’t let me make it up to you by making you breakfast last time, ‘cause I, you know, I woke you up and I felt bad. And so I decided to make a few extra waffles and I was going to bring them to you but you weren’t home and when I tried to get back in my apartment I realized I’d forgotten my keys so I basically locked myself out and I also didn’t have my phone so I have just been sitting here and wow I need to breathe.” Laura had rambled it out so fast that she had to take a few deep breaths in to steady herself. Carmilla was giving her this curious, inexplicable look that Laura just couldn’t place.

When Laura was steady again, the only answer she got was, “Wait here.” As Carmilla took her own keys and went to her apartment, leaving Laura in the hall. This confused Laura so much she’d thought about going after Carmilla and furiously knock on her door demanding an explanation as to why she just left her standing there. But before she could really make up her mind about the entire situation, Carmilla came back out. She’d traded her bag for something she was clutching in her hand. From the front it looked like a tiny yoga mat?

“Alright so I happen to be good at situations like this, but I still do expect some waffles as payment for what I’m about to do.” Carmilla sounded very serious and for a second, Laura thought this was about something entirely different than the locked door.   
Carmilla unrolled the little piece of fabric that she’d clutched in her hand. She kneeled before the door and put the piece of fabric by her leg. Laura watched her curiously and studied the metal gear that was held in the piece of fabric. Carmilla, in the meantime, studied the lock.   
She grabbed one of the metal tools from its place without looking down and placed it in the lock. She grabbed a second one and started fumbling with them in the lock.   
“Oh my god, you know how to pick a lock?” Laura gasped. She was surprised to learn this about the girl.   
“Yeah, well… Only Pin Tumbler locks really.” Carmilla shrugged as if it was no big deal. “You weren’t wearing hairpins so you’re lucky I still have this set from the good old days.” Carmilla had said it as if it was no big deal. As if anyone could pick a lock. Carp, what if anyone could and she wasn’t safe just locking her door? Laura shook her head to try and get those thoughts out.   
“But how did you acquire that skill?” Laura wondered out loud, to which she only got a smirk.   
“I’ve got to keep some of my mysteries, don’t I?” Carmilla said and before her, the lock gave a loud click. Carmilla twisted the tools and the door opened before them.

Even before Carmilla was fully standing, Laura flung her arms around the dark brunette, hugging her close for a moment before she realized how weird it was and let go.  
“I’m sorry, I just got really excited there for a moment. Thank you so much.” Laura was practically beaming at Carmilla. She hadn’t known what to expect when she sat down waiting for Carmilla to get home, but this was better than anything. “I still have to thank you for the other times, and now this. If you ever save me again I think I might have to bake you an entire cake,” Laura spoke quite seriously.   
Carmilla smiled, “I love waffles.” That was just music to Laura’s ears. She grabbed the food container still holding five waffles from the floor and with her other hand, clutched Carmilla’s arm to drag her inside her apartment.   
“Come on, you can’t say no this time. They’re really good, even though I say so myself.” Laura was happy again, the whole waiting outside her door thing nearly forgotten – if it weren’t for the pain in her backside.

 

  
Carmilla just smiled as she sat herself down on the couch in Laura’s apartment. She looked around and heard a weird noise coming from the side of the room. As Laura got some waffles and glasses of milk, Carmilla walked towards the record player and put the needle back to the beginning of the LP. She couldn’t help but smile as she heard one of her all-time favorite records start to play.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the longest chapter yet, and it's more towards my usual word count for a chapter. I hope you liked it!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It only takes so much before you finally fall...

“You need my help doing _what_?” Carmilla asked the girl standing before her at her front door. Laura was dressed in a white tank top and flannel pants looking entirely too adorable for her own good. Adorable and yet it seemed very inappropriate for her to look at the slightly smaller girl. She, Carmilla, was in her usual black tee and short black shorts with knee high socks. She’d been lounging around all day when there had been a knock at her door. It wasn’t that she’d been interrupted doing anything, or that she wasn’t looking forward to having an excuse to see Laura again. It was just that she’d never expected this.  
“Oh come on, Carmilla. You understood me perfectly. Can you help me or not?” Laura asked, fidgeting slightly.   
Carmilla frowned a little. Why would Laura be nervous, or rather unnerved, by a broken lightbulb that needed replacing?  
She sighed as she gave in. “You have a ladder ready?” she spoke, more to confirm to Laura that she’d agreed than anything but it was still rather important.   
Laura visibly relaxed slightly. “Yeah, I have it all set up for replacement…” she hesitated slightly, “but I just can’t do it myself.” She was a little tense again. Carmilla silently wondered why.

She followed her neighbour through the hall and into Laura’s apartment, making sure to have her keys on her. Wouldn’t want to experience the same thing Laura had only a few days ago. Though it had turned out to be a lovely evening with waffles and Fleetwood Mac playing in the background as they talked into the late hours of the night. Carmilla had only returned to her own nest when Laura had started to yawn. She hadn’t wanted their time together to end, but she felt she would end up overstaying her welcome if she didn’t insist on going home. Carmilla knew she’d end up there soon again anyways. And it seemed today was the day.

The two girls stood in the middle of Laura’s living room, looking up at the broken lightbulb that was located in the center of the ceiling. The ladder was placed and the new lightbulb lay waiting on the nearby side table of the couch. Carmilla noticed a nice jazzy tune playing in the background. She noticed a picture frame with Laura and an older man, her dad she assumed, standing together before a magnificent house. The first two times Carmilla had been in Laura’s apartment, she hadn’t really taken the time to look around as much. The first being very brief and only having eyes for Laura. The second time she’d been so frustrated with the alarm in the kitchen area that she hadn’t really payed attention to the living room. The third time she’d looked around a bit, but beside the couch, the tv and the girl living here, Carmilla hadn’t noticed the variety of books and records standing in a beautiful closet beside the record player. Or the pictures standing on one of the shelves. Carmilla wasn’t really a picture person herself.

“So can you fix it or what?” Laura asked desperately, snapping Carmilla out of her thoughts. She sounded a little bit better than before. A little happier.   
She smirked, “Of course I can fix it. It’s just turning a lightbulb till it comes out, and then turning one so it stays in. I don’t see how you need my help with this.” Carmilla spoke. Laura’s smile faltered a bit and Carmilla regretted saying it almost instantly. “It’s not that I mind you asking me for help though.” She turned towards Laura ever so slightly and touched Laura’s arm. Laura gave her a reassuring nod and cleared her throat.

Carmilla took a step forward and climbed the ladder with ease. She didn’t ask, but Laura still held the ladder steady for her. She turned the lightbulb and descended the ladder to put it on the table. Laura still hadn’t moved from holding the ladder.   
“Laura, are you alright?” Carmilla asked, seriously starting to get concerned.   
“Huh? Oh yeah, I’m fine.” Laura spoke trying to convince herself more than Carmilla.   
It came to Carmilla then, what the problem might be. And as she grabbed the new lightbulb, a small grin appeared on her face as she thought of a plan.   
She turned towards the ladder and Laura beside it, and instead of climbing back up on the ladder, she held the lightbulb out to Laura. “Here you go.”   
Laura’s eyebrows furrowed a bit and she looked at the lightbulb as if Carmilla was asking her to do an impossible task. She laughed and it gave Carmilla conformation of what she already expected. Laura was afraid – possibly terrified – of heights.   
“Oh I’m not going up there,” Laura practically scoffed. “Nuh-uh.” She shook her head wildly at the girl clad in black and took a step back. Carmilla put the lightbulb back down on the table, careful so that it wouldn’t roll off it, and turned back to Laura. Her left hand was stretched out towards Laura and she waited patiently.   
“Do you trust me?” She asked sincerely.   
“Weirdly I do, but I know for sure you’re going to shake that ladder so in this case, no I kinda don’t,” Laura said way too fast and Carmilla chuckled. In turn, Laura also laughed at her own reaction.   
“I won’t. I just think you should do it yourself. Maybe overcome part of that fear. Your ceiling isn’t that high. Once you’re on it, you’ll see there’s nothing to fear.” Carmilla wisely spoke, and for some reason, Laura seemed to really trust her.   
“And you won’t trick me or scare me? I don’t want any hospital visits, alright?” Laura said with a stern note to her voice.   
Carmilla bit back a laugh, “I won’t. But you get up there and put the new one in, or I’ll leave you here in the dark.” Carmilla grinned as she moved to hold the ladder steady.   
Laura picked up the new lightbulb from the table and turned towards the ladder. She had a determined look on her face, which Carmilla found absolutely magnificent. Who do you know that changes a lightbulb with so much determination? She wondered.

Laura handed the lightbulb to Carmilla, who raised an eyebrow at her.   
“I need my two hands to climb this ladder so you’re going to hold it, but still keep the ladder steady. Got it?” There was a hint of authority in her voice which just made it harder for Carmilla not to joke in this silly situation. Though a fear or something should never be something to take lightly.

Laura climbed the ladder and took the lightbulb over from Carmilla. She turned until it was firm in place and sighed.   
“So glad that’s over,” she said. And by Carmilla’s small smirk, she knew she’d spoken too soon. Carmilla just couldn’t help herself. “Carmilla- no. Do not- Ah!” Laura shrieked as Carmilla shook the ladder ever so slightly. “Oh my god Carmilla, you promised you wouldn’t!” Her knuckled were white as she grabbed the ladder tightly.   
Carmilla could see she wanted to get down but she was having a good time teasing Laura. Though, not too much. “I never did such a thing, darling.” Carmilla smirked as she one again shook the ladder just a fraction of a centimeter. Laura shrieked again and tightened her grip on the ladder even more.   
“Carm- Ah!” and when the shudder was done, “Karma. Yes, that’s exactly what you’re going to get for this.” Laura said in mock fury as she tried to take a step down from on top of the ladder. Carmilla was now standing in front of the steps rather than beside the ladder.   
“You weren’t really afraid of the height, just the idea of the unsteady ladder. Nothing will happen to you, Laura.” Carmilla said and she shook the ladder again right as Laura was going to take a step down.

 

And then it went wrong. Of course it did. Laura’s foot slipped from the step, her full weight now falling backward. The ladder slid forward because no one was really holding it in place anymore and Laura fell into a net of two arms, holding her steady.   
Carmilla was holding Laura bridal style. Laura had instinctively put her arms around Carmilla’s neck which brought them even closer together. They looked at each other, all silliness forgotten. Carmilla’s eyes were staring into Laura’s and she was staring right back. A deep brown staring into honey brown, which seemed to darken as time passed. They flicked to Laura’s lips unknowingly, she saw that they were slightly parted. It registered to her that they were very close. Too close to be good for her heart that was pounding in her ear.   
Carmilla could kiss her right then and there. She really could. But instead, she let Laura’s feet fall onto the floor, helping her upright again. Once again her mind had won over her heart.   
The spell was broken. Their moment of closeness, which had seemed to last minutes instead of seconds, was over.   
Carmilla cleared her throat. They were still standing rather close to each other and the proximity was going to become too much if she didn’t step away now. And so she did, not wanting to do anything they weren’t ready for. Not wanting to surprise Laura with something she wasn’t sure the other girl even wanted.

  
“I- I should go.” She spoke entirely too softly, taking a step back to distance herself.   
She wasn’t entirely sure, but she thought she saw Laura lean forward, trying to follow Carmilla’s actions. But Laura didn’t move. Instead, she swallowed, and started to nod.   
“Oh, yeah okay. Sure.” But neither of them moved. They stood a few paces from each other. The moment still lingering in the silence between them. It wasn’t until Carmilla saw something flicker in Laura’s eyes that she averted her gaze to the floor and made her way to the front door. She didn’t look back at the girl standing in the middle of the living room. She didn’t see how Laura put her hands to her face and ran them through her long, beautiful hair.   
Instead she closed the door behind her, leaning against it with her back. How could she be falling for this sweet, innocent girl while she was anything but…? She cursed the universe as she moved from Laura’s front door to her own, walked inside, putting on some music to try and forget the girl living across the hall. Her heart was still beating too loudly and she needed something to overpower it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just can't help the little bit of angst, can I ?   
> As always, thank you for the lovely reviews on the last chapter! I loved reading them all. 
> 
> PS: please don't do this to a real person. Don't shake a ladder if the person on it is afraid to fall. 
> 
> PSS: see what I did in the chapter summary? ;) Fall, hehe


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to put a WARNING here.   
> \- Possible trigger warning for suicide thoughts or depression. 
> 
> With this, you can tell this is not a happy chapter like the others were. Fluff will return, but today is not that day. I do hope you enjoy reading it.

**Chapter Five**

Carmilla woke up the next morning – or rather noon – with a headache. There was a glass with the residue of the metallic tasting red liquid standing on her nightstand. There were bags all over her apartment. She’d gotten drunk on the only thing she could get drunk on. And now she was nearly out of her stash. Great…  
Why did she have to be so attractive, and stubborn? Stubborn in the way that she wouldn’t get out of Carmilla’s head, and in the way that she kept coming back. Alright, she’d been crushing on her neighbour big time, but she wasn’t planning on doing anything with that newfound information of her feelings. Then came the spider. It only confirmed her thoughts on Laura and how adorable she was. She could deal with that, it was a onetime thing. That lasted until the fire alarm. Fine, okay, it was alright until then. But she wasn’t on making it a reoccurring thing. And then, when Laura had locked herself out, she did the stupidest thing she ever could have done. She learned more about her gorgeous neighbour as they talked over waffles. As if it wasn’t bad enough, she girl had a decent taste in music too. She beat herself up over it later, but in the moment she’d felt happy. Content to get to know little things about Laura. Like the fact that there were pictures of her and her dad around the house, but no one else. Besides one picture of a little Laura with a dog that must have been twice her size back then.

When the knock at her door came, she knew it had been Laura standing there. She didn’t mind the excuse, tricking her mind into thinking that she was just helping Laura and nothing more was going on. Until she had the girl in her arms and was going to lean in. Lean in and possible _kiss_ her. But at that point, her heart had lost to her mind. Again. Afterwards, she’d stood underneath the burning water of the shower beating down on her while loud music blasted through the portable speakers she’d placed in her bathroom. Still, she couldn’t seem to get the girl out of her thoughts.   
(It wasn’t until later that she realized she really didn’t want Laura out of her thoughts.)   
So she’d drank and drank and drank until her mind couldn’t think of anything but dreamless sleep. She wished – for Laura’s own good – the girl wouldn’t return, though she wasn’t sure if she could stay away from the other girl in return. Still, she forced herself to try.

She stayed in bed the entire day. Her iPod playing the same three songs over and over again through her earplugs. She pondered over the past listening to one of them, the present during the other and the future with the third, all while looking up at her ceiling. The ceiling she’d painted years ago to resemble a beautiful nebula with shades of blue, pink and purple. She still loved it as much as she had back then, if not more. The city was far too bright for stars. They were just lost here. Just like her.

At a certain point, she debated getting up. The benefits? She could get another glass and taste the metallic flavor to the only liquid she had to consume to stay alive. Well, _alive_ … She could close the curtains she’d forgotten to close the night before. On the other hand, the benefits of staying in her bed were far better. She wouldn’t have to get out of her way too comfortable and warm bed. She could ignore her phone that was placed too far for her to reach. She could pretend she wasn’t home. Pretend for her sake. For Laura’s sake.

She wondered how long she could keep that act up.

As _Breathe Me_ started playing again, she softly sang along the words. She turned on her side, pulling her legs up to her chest and tucking her cover underneath her chin. By the time the song ended, there was a tiny wet stain on her pillowcase and sleep came over her once more.

 

She slept until the early morning hours of the following day. When she woke up from her depressing slumber, she was still in the same position. _That’s what spending decades in a coffin will do to you_ , she thought before stretching out her legs. She kept the blanket close as she sat up and looked to her open curtains. Dawn was approaching within the next few minutes and she figured she could watch it. It had been a while since.

Carmilla moved from her position, throwing the blanket off of her and stretching her arms as she walked to the bathroom. She gave herself a once over in the mirror and sighed. No one was going to see her and that was for the best. 24 hour bed-head didn’t do her looks any favors.

She pulled her red and black checked shirt from her closet and threw it over her tank top. She was thankful that she’d changed her shorts for sweatpants after her shower. Though she didn’t really need to worry about the cold, she still preferred not to suffer from it too much. She pulled open the window in her living room and jumped onto the fire escape. They weren’t the highest floor and she wanted a good view so she climbed up a couple of stairs before stepping onto the roof. There was a high spot there and she sat herself down cross legged, facing the slowly rising sun. Her iPod was still in the pocket of her sweatpants and she mindlessly reached for it before putting in her earplugs. If she were anywhere else but in a big city, she’d just listen to the sounds of nature. But there was literally no wildlife to be found here, so she put on the song she always listened to when watching the sunset or the sunrise. Bloom.

The sun casted a beautiful glow over the city, making it seem more magical than it was. Don’t get her wrong, she still loved living here more than any other city. But she missed the freedom of nature. The way the stars and moon were actually visible in the forest, or how the birds announced the coming of a new day. She sometimes missed times without all the cars that were too loud, and the streetlights that ruined her view at night.

Anyway, she was here now. All the events that led her to end up here in the big city had also led her to meeting this wonderful girl, probably still sleeping a few floors underneath where she sat. Oh, but what to do about her…

When the sky was a soft orange, and the horizon a fierce red, she stood up and climbed down the high point. She was intending on going back down the fire escape, to her apartment when curiosity welled up in her. So instead, she walked to the edge of the roof. She stepped on the ledge and sat down, her legs dangling over the side. The sun was starting to burn on her skin, getting brighter and brighter the longer she sat there. Sure it was still cold, and she had sleeves up until her elbows, but the sun could still burn if she wasn’t careful. The sun illuminated her face, and it was nice for a minute. A beautiful minute of being human again. Of being a little girl, up way before her parents, staring outside her bedroom window. Her servant had fallen asleep in the chair by the door and wouldn’t notice the little girl was up if she was quiet. And little Mircalla could be as silent as the night as long as she could watch the sun come up through the trees of the forest surrounding her.   
As the minute passed, the sun started to ache. Then it was itching and burning. Her hands were grabbing onto the edge of the roof, trying to keep herself in place. Maybe if she stayed there long enough she wouldn’t have to face the fear of getting her heart broken again. Maybe she would be spared the hope of having a future with someone. Maybe she could be free again.

There were tears escaping from her eyes now, the burning becoming too much for her. She pushed herself back, standing and escaping into the shadow the air ventilation system provided. It took a few moments before the burning had subsided. She leaned against the wall that provided the shade. It was cold and soothing which helped her recover. It took a lot of energy to have stayed there that long, and she felt it. The rush of getting drunk on blood was over now, her energy drained.

Eventually she climbed back down the stairs and got back inside her apartment. She closed the window and pulled the curtains closed. The only problem now was that she’d slept all night, which meant she wouldn’t be able to sleep through her day.   
_Fuck_.   
And then there was the little detail of her stash.   
Again, _Fuck._  
She needed to refill it, and that wasn’t an easy task. She should have done it last night, when it was still dark and she could’ve had an easier time breaking in. Now she’d just have to wait. But she was tired of waiting. She had no purpose anymore. She had stopped attending universities because they were always teaching her the same anyways. She ran away from everyone she’d known in the past, which left her on her own for years. At first it had suited her, but now she grew restless. She wanted more out of life yet she was so tired of it. She wondered what would have happened if she’d stayed out there in the gorgeous sunlight a little longer... Just a moment of burning before the pain would stop forever. Just a moment longer. 

She knew then she could never pull Laura into this world. No matter how much her heart begged for her to know love again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the way, the songs were:  
> Past: Day Old Hate - City and Colour  
> Present: Breathe Me - Sia  
> Future: Lost Stars - Adam Levine  
> Sunrise: Bloom - The Paper Kites
> 
> I use these songs in a lot of my fics because they inspire the sadness (and the last one cheers me up and is one of my all time favorites.)


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmilla is avoiding Laura and our tiny little gay is just not having it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm celebrating a few things here:  
> \- 6000 hits on Taking Chances  
> \- Nearly 5000 hits on this fic  
> \- 10000 words written for this fic
> 
> Thank you for reading, without all you lovely readers this wouldn't be possible.

**Chapter Six**

****  
At first, when Laura didn’t hear from Carmilla, she didn’t think too much of it. It wasn’t like they were anything more than neighbours who had a very close and very confusing moment… right? She’d gone about her daily business and went to her classes with her friends. Every time she stepped into her building, she had a spark of hope that the elevator doors would open to reveal Carmilla standing inside. Or that she’d walk inside their hallway and she’d find Carmilla going out. Or perhaps to find Carmilla going to see her. But every time she saw the elevators open to an empty metal box, or a deserted hallway, her heart twitched.  
Then, when it had been a couple of days, she started to doubt herself. Did she maybe do something to keep her away from her? She retraced her memories of their last encounter down to the skip her heart made when she was sure Carmilla was about to kiss her. She didn’t think she’d done anything wrong. Besides, her doing something to upset Carmilla wouldn’t result in her ditching classes, right? Laura hadn’t seen her on campus all week. In fact, the few days before she’d helped her with her ladder issue, she hadn’t seen Carmilla either. Ever since their first encounter, she’d started to notice Carmilla around. But now, that was gone too.

Laura then thought of something. Maybe it was just Carmilla playing ‘hard to get’. That thought made Laura mad. Why would people ever do that? She never waited hours to reply or avoided the one she liked. It drove her insane whenever she heard people did that. Why would anyone purposely make their crush wait? Feelings aren’t a game, at least not to Laura. If they were to Carmilla, well then she’d just have to move on and find someone else to crush on.   
(Yes, she’d full on accepted the fact that she had a crush by now.)

Two days after she’d thought of Carmilla maybe toying with her, she felt guilty. Guilty for just assuming when she had no idea what was going on with Carmilla. Maybe she wasn’t home. Or perhaps Carmilla was sick. Again, she was assuming, but this time she was looking for a logical explanation instead of just jumping to conclusions. The fact was that she’d never heard Carmilla leave her apartment in all the days they’d been apart. That’s when Laura had a lightbulb go off in her head.  

She snatched her keys from the little table next to her door and took the elevator to the ground floor.   
“Hey Laura, going for a walk?” It was the nice old lady living the floor above her.   
“Oh, no Mrs Watson. I’m just checking the mail.” She gave the woman a kind smile and turned to her mail box. Mrs Watson was going up back to her apartment. Before she reached the elevator however, Laura stopped her.   
“Hey, um, Mrs Watson?”   
“Yes, dear?”   
“Do you know the girl that lives further down the hall from me? The one with the dark hair and pale skin.” Laura wondered, maybe somebody else had seen her.   
“Miss Karnstein?” So that was her last name.   
“Um, yeah. I was wondering, have you seen her around lately?” Mrs Watson seemed to think this through before answering.   
“No, dear. I’m sorry, I can’t help you there.” Seeing Laura’s disappointed reaction, which she failed to hide, she added, “She’s always very kind to me whenever I see her in the elevator or lobby. Are you two friends?”   
Laura wasn’t sure what to respond. Were they? They were surely more than just acquaintances.   
“Kind of, yes. I’m just going to bring up her mail,” Laura gestured towards the mail box obviously packed with newspapers and a few letters.   
“That’s very kind of you.” The elevator doors opened and another resident got out. “Are you coming up with me, dear?” Mrs Watson asked.   
“No, you go ahead Mrs Watson. I have to ask for the key to the box first.”   
They exchanged goodbyes and Mrs Watson went up while Laura went to the desk.

“Hey, Kirsch.” Laura gave the giant guy a small wave.   
“Hey, little Laura,” Kirsch gave her one of his big bright smiles, “whatcha up to?”   
“Have you seen my neighbour, Carmilla Karnstein, pass by here in the past few days?”   
“No… No I don’t think she’s been out much. At least not whenever I’ve been here. JP’s been taking most shifts.”   
“I was wondering if I could take her mail up. I think she’s sick, and her mailbox’s full. Mind helping me out?”   
“Well, normally I shouldn’t let you. Or I should do it instead,” he contemplated the thought and looked at Laura for a second. “I heard Mrs Watson ask if you’re friends with her, so I guess it’s alright.” He lifted a hand with the master key dangling in his hand.   
Laura lit up at that point. Now she’d have a valid excuse to check on Carmilla without sounding like an overthinking mess.   
“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” She reached over the counter and kissed his cheek before snatching the key from his hand and turning to Carmilla’s mailbox. She swiftly opened it and grabbed all her mail. She threw the key to Kirsch and thanked him once more.   
“Sure thing, Miss smile from ear to ear.” He could swear she skipped while on her way to the elevator.

 

Laura didn’t dare look through Carmilla’s mails. That would totally be an invasion of privacy. She went inside her own apartment first. She gave herself a once over in the mirror and went over to Carmilla’s door. She knocked, trying not to be too hesitant but not too hard either.   
There was no answer.   
She knocked again.   
No answer.

“Carmilla?” She knocked again. “Carmilla, I got your mail for you. If you could come to the door I could give it to you.” She hoped that Carmilla would open up, knowing it was Laura standing there. But still there was no answer. Laura checked her phone. It wasn’t early at all, so Carmilla couldn’t be sleeping. And since Kirsch said he hadn’t seen her go out, that wasn’t an option either. She must be in there. So why wouldn’t she just agree to see her?   
“If you’re sick I can get you some medicine or soup?” Well that was a nice move. Does soup help when being sick anyways? Laura sighed. If she could just talk to Carmilla for a moment.   
Laura knocked again and listened for any sound. Footsteps, or music or anything really, but there was absolutely nothing to be heard from inside the apartment.   
“I’ll keep your mail in my apartment, since I can’t slide it underneath your door. Just- Just come by whenever.” Laura let her head hang back for a moment before turning on her heel and walking back to her apartment.

Despite her hopes and expectations, Laura didn’t hear from Carmilla that day. Nor did she the next. She got Carmilla’s mail out of her box whenever she checked her own and brought it up with her after classes. Kirsch hadn’t seen her, and neither had JP.   
“Sorry we couldn’t be of much help,” JP had said when she asked him. “She has been by twice, but that was two weeks ago. Nothing else since.”   
Laura was getting frustrated by all this nonsense.   
  
Three weeks after they’d last spoken, she went to Carmilla’s door again with all her mail in tow. She knocked forcefully this time, not caring how it must have come across.   
“Carmilla, you’re just being childish. If there’s something wrong you should notify someone. I’m leaving your mail here outside your door and I don’t care who goes through it if you don’t come to this door and collect it right now.” She folded her arms across her chest and unconsciously started tapping her foot. She was determined to stay here and wait until Carmilla came out of her apartment. She wasn’t giving up.

Until it was an hour later and she was getting tired of waiting for no one. She allowed herself a brief bathroom break and grabbed a snack. She went back out to that corridor and sat herself right in front of Carmilla’s door. Still there was silence.   
She played games on her phone, listened to music and ate her snack as the seconds, then minutes and eventually hours passed by. She put on the audiobook of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix right where she left off. The voice of the narrator was deep and it wasn’t long before her eyes started getting heavier. By now it was ten o’clock and she wasn’t keen on admitting her defeat so she stayed put.

 

When she woke up, her iPod lay next to her with her earplugs wrapped around it. She was on her side and there was a blanket covering her to keep her warm. She shot upright when she realized her surroundings. That’s when she noticed the stack of mail was gone and she couldn’t recall taking the blanket when she’d gone inside her apartment. She looked down to where her head had been resting. There was a big yellow pillow placed where her head had been. She realized, for having spent the entire night – by now it was 6 am – sleeping on a carpeted floor, she wasn’t that stiff. Her neck wasn’t sore. Thank god for the yellow pillow. She sat up and leant against the wall. She picked her iPod up and noticed a post-it note with a messy but intriguing handwriting.   


_You’re too stubborn for your own good, Cutie. But thank you.  
\-- Carmilla_

And though it was not even close to the actual encounter with Carmilla that she’d hoped, it was better than she could have dreamed. She couldn’t help the little smile that played on her lips or the hand reaching for the yellow pillow and pressing it to her chest, hugging it close.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's unedited and not proof read, so if there are any mistakes, excuse me. 
> 
> As always you can find me on Caskettmyheart.tumblr.com and pretty much everywhere else.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**  
Laura wasn’t going to give up on her, that much she figured after the whole ‘ _I got your mail for you and am waiting outside your door in a total_ non _-stalker-ish way_ ’. Though the sight of her crush sleeping outside in the hall with her hands pulled up to her mouth had been the cutest thing ever, she was now one blanket and one very special yellow pillow short. She figured Laura would just leave them there and pack up to go back to her own apartment across the hall but no. The stubborn brunette took them with her. To her apartment. In which they didn’t belong.  
The frown placed on her face when she first realized what Laura was doing, was soon replaced by an eye roll and look of annoyance. Seriously? Did she really have to offer a sleeping Laura the best pillow of all time? Of course she did. She had wanted Laura to be comfortable. But now she herself wasn’t. Carmilla tossed and turned and groaned that entire first night. When she actually did fall asleep, it wasn’t a peaceful nor restful one. She woke up with a sore neck – which didn’t heal as quickly as a real wound – and had to pop her back before feeling like she could take on another lousy day.

At ten PM on the fourth restless night she pondered over things as she drank her usual blood cocktail. She shouldn’t really go back to Laura’s place and ask for her stuff back. That would only lead to what Laura wants and that’s for them to become friends. (Or more). That was exactly the opposite of what she planned that night weeks ago – though it sounded like a welcoming thought right about now.  
That, exactly _that_ was the problem. She was getting used to the neighbour relying on her or asking for her help with stuff. She was getting used to the blonde hair and honey brown eyes. She was adjusting to having someone to talk to instead of being silent. That was not the way she wanted to go. At least that’s what she told herself.

On the other hand, if she left her stuff with Laura, she would need to find another incredible pillow like the yellow one, which was pretty unlikely she’d ever find again. That alone was reason enough to go get her stuff. Maybe she could wait for Laura to go to class and pick her lock… _No_ , don’t be crazy.

Eventually she just gathered up her courage, and put on her game face. She got up from her incredibly empty couch – without the yellow pillow and blanket – and pocketed her keys. She went into the hall and knocked forcefully on Laura’s door. When no answer came, she knocked again. If she didn’t get that yellow pillow back, she was not going to be responsible for her actions tomorrow.  
“Coming!” Laura’s muffled voice came from the other side of the door along with quick and light footsteps coming closer and closer. There was a rattle of metal as the chain was pulled off the door. The door swung open and a dazzled Laura greeted her.  
“Carmilla!” She sounded surprised.  
“You know, you should really check with the chain on the door who it is first. For all you know I could be a psycho killer or something.” Carmilla was astonished with how careless Laura was being right now. Not that she cared about Laura’s safety. No, it was just common knowledge and she was doing this girl a simple favor. That was all.  
“Right…” Laura looked slightly uncomfortable. She was scratching at her elbow and there was something off about her. “I wasn’t thinking.” She looked down and folded her arms awkwardly in front of her. She was probably going to regret this later but she couldn’t help wondering.  
“I was just coming over to demand you give me my pillow and blanket back but you’re… you’re not you.” She regarded the girl in the doorway for a moment.  
“Right, your pillow and blanket,” Laura’s face formed a frown. Something was going on.  
“Laura, can I come in for a moment?” Laura did seem to register what Carmilla said before shaking her head very slowly.  
“I don’t think now’s a good time.” Carmilla wanted to interrupt, but Laura cut her off. “I’ll go get your pillow.”  
Carmilla was planning on following Laura but right as she was about to step in, Laura closed the door right in front of her nose. Something inside of her twisted. It actually hurt. It hurt to not be included in whatever hurt or saddened Laura. That was such a weird sensation to her. To care about someone.

Laura opened the door again and in the process, startled Carmilla. She held out the pillow and blanket for Carmilla to take. “It’s a very comfortable pillow.” It should have sounded like a compliment or a good thing, but all Laura’s voice indicated was indifference.  
“Laura, are you sure you’re alright? You- “  
“Yeah, Carmilla. Just take them and go home. I’m fine.” Now she was beginning to sound angry.  
“Hey, I’m just trying to look out for you.” She didn’t know why it was so important to her for Laura to not be angry with her right now.  
“Oh, like you did the last few weeks?” _Oh wow_. That hurt.  
She swallowed down the lump that formed in her throat and slowly began to nod. She took her stuff from Laura’s hands and made her move to turn as Laura started to close the door.  
“I guess I deserved that.” Laura closed the door right in front of Carmilla, not giving her a second glance. Carmilla bit her lip and turned around, walking back to her own apartment. Once she was inside she threw the blanket on the couch before grabbing her leftover blood cocktail from before and drinking what was left of it. She didn’t need this in her life. She didn’t want to get hurt by yet another girl. Yet here she was. She was pissed at herself for allowing this girl into her life. They weren’t even that close and Laura still managed to make her feel this hurt.

Carmilla put on some music – anything but Fleetwood mac – and put it on just loud enough not to disturb the neighbours at this time of night. For her, it was early but for the rest of the world, the day was at an end. As she lay on the couch, she came up with many different scenarios as to why Laura would be this un-Laura like. All of them were just made up stories to keep the blame off of herself. Because the prospect of her, yet again, fucking up another ‘sort of relationship’ with someone new was becoming too much. She hadn’t even wanted this in the first place, and now she was the one to pay the price? Hell no.  
The prospect of getting drunk on blood seemed heavenly right about now. However, she’d learned her lesson the last time and wasn’t planning on letting that happen again. So instead, she acted out her frustration with the girl on some pages of her diary. The pages were filling up and she’d soon need a new one. But for now, her current one would do.

A few hours passed, Carmilla had calmed down and stopped thinking about the girl. She spent an hour up on the roof, and yet another doing all sorts of stuff she otherwise never did. Like cleaning. Seriously, it had been ages.  
At around three AM, there was a soft knock at her door. Before she’d even asked herself the question of who it was, the image of a slightly smaller, dark blonde popped into her mind.  She froze. Silence overwhelmed her before a small voice came from the other side of the door.  
“Carmilla?”  
Carmilla remained in place, not knowing if she was ready for another encounter like before. But why had Laura come to her door if she wanted an encounter like before? That didn’t make any sense.  
“Carmilla, please.”  
Laura’s voice sounded very off. Even more so than before. She couldn’t _not_ respond to the desperate sound of that sweet voice. She sighed to herself, got up from the couch with the same blanket she’d given to Laura before wrapped around her shoulders. She braced herself for whatever she was about to see or hear when she opened the door.  
What she wasn’t prepared for however, was to have two arms flung around her and tears staining her shirt.  
“Woah- Laura? What…” To say she was confused was an understatement. She allowed the girl to hug her as she put one arm around the girl and with the other she pulled the blanket from her shoulders. She slowly took a few steps back so that they were standing in her apartment before putting the blanket over Laura’s shoulders. “Hey,” Carmilla kept her arm around Laura’s shoulders while bringing her other hand up to Laura’s hair. She ran her hand through the blonde locks before continuing, “Do you want to talk about it?” All anger from before was forgotten. She didn’t care about that before. All she wanted now was to make sure this girl in her arms was okay.  
Laura kept crying but there was the slightest shake in her head. Carmilla accepted that as an answer, understanding the need to just be with someone without being able to talk about it, emotionally or physically. So for now, she led Laura to the couch she’d been sitting on before. Laura loosened her grip on Carmilla and it gave the two of them enough time to position themselves. Carmilla sat down on one end while Laura sat down on the other end. She soon pulled the blanket up to her face – it reminded Carmilla of the position she’d found her in the hallway – and lied her head down on Carmilla’s lap. She was still crying so Carmilla did the only thing she could. She held Laura’s hand and stroked her hair until her eyes closed and her breathing evened out.

About half an hour after Laura fell asleep, Carmilla stopped stroking her hair and got up very carefully. She didn’t want to wake her up. She walked into her bedroom and arranged the bed. The put her yellow pillow in place and pulled the covers back. Then she walked back into her livingroom and carefully picked Laura up from the couch. There was no way she was going to leave Laura to sleep on the couch after a night like that. Crying like that used to leave her with a headache, so she wanted to give Laura all the comfort in the world. Including her yellow pillow. She put the sleeping girl in her own bed and tucked her in. She didn’t even stir once.

Carmilla decided to sleep on the couch, to make sure she didn’t invade Laura’s personal space. It wasn’t like she knew the situation Laura was in right now. She could only hope that the morning would bring clarity to them both.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I planned on adding another page or two before ending the chapter but it's past midnight, I have school and a test tomorrow morning... I really wanted to give you all an update. 
> 
> Not to worry, next chapter will start when they wake up, no big time jump or anything. You'll get clarity. In the meantime, can any of you guess what was bugging Laura so bad? 
> 
> Let me know through a comment or a message on tumblr, and who knows. Maybe I'll write the first one to guess a prompt. 
> 
> caskettmyheart.tumblr.com


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t think there was any way anyone could have given exactly the right answer. That would have been some A+ guesswork then. So, Seeing as mejampo got closest to the actual answer, Congratulations! You can leave your prompt – if you desire to have one written for you – here in the comments, or head over to my tumblr and message me. --> Caskettmyheart.tumblr.com
> 
> WARNING: This is sad, like, if you’ve been through this, it’ll be hard to read- sad. Mentions of severe illness and death.  
> TRIGGER WARNINGS AT THE BOTTOM

Throughout the entire night, Carmilla couldn’t help checking on Laura every once in a while. She wondered and worried whether the girl would suffer nightmares from whatever was haunting her consciousness. But Laura slept safe and sound in Carmilla’s bed. Eventually, fatigue took over Carmilla’s body and she settled herself on her couch. She fell asleep wondering how it had come so far that there was a girl sleeping in her bed, without ever having any intimate interaction beforehand. This was new. This was different. This was _Laura._

\--

Laura woke up to the sun warming her back and a familiar yellow pillow clutched between her arms. She’d been hugging the still quite foreign object close and inhaling its scent. She was underneath a dark blue cover that was unfamiliar to her, and the walls were different from her own apartment. She shot up, clutching the sheets and frantically looking around. Then she noticed the walls were just a different color, but had the same structure as her own bedroom. But it was only when she saw the pile that was the leather pants draped over a chair with an even bigger pile of clothes, that she remembered what had happened the night before. With that, came realizing what day it was today. She let her head hang and her fist around the sheet clutched to her chest loosened as she took a deep breath. Though this date made her heart sink, she really didn’t want to think about today. Another year had passed. Another year without them.

She let herself fall back into the soft matrass and looked up at the ceiling, blocking out all negative thoughts. Her brow turned into a frown. The lights, though off, clearly resembled a night sky. Laura loved it. She absolutely marveled over the idea of Carmilla’s knowledge of the stars being infinite. She, for a moment, let her fantasies run wild and pictured the two of them lying in bed, lights on in the pitch black night, and Carmilla explaining all the constellations. How they were formed, when she would be able to see them – if they wouldn’t be living in a city of light pollution. She saw her falling asleep in Carmilla’s arms as the smooth voice of the brunette lulled her to sleep. She sighed, realizing she was being overdramatic and probably acting like a complete fool. Plus, she was on the verge of talking to herself, so she really needed to get up.

In an effort to shake off the negative feelings this annual day brought to her, she got out of the bed and walked into the livingroom of the much darker apartment than she was used to. Hers was usually filled with sunlight around midday, but still gave her rays of sunshine in the morning. Carmilla’s was darker, with almost every curtain drawn shut. The walls were dark shades of colors instead of light ones people usually preferred. The furniture was a mix of styles, but all in the same beautiful wood. Walking into Carmilla’s livingroom was as if entering an antique store with only the most valued materials and products at display.

She walked towards the kitchen to make breakfast – not noticing the brunette sprawled out over the couch on her stomach until she had walked into the kitchen and turned to look for the refrigerator. She jumped at the sight of the brunette, thinking somebody had moved, but didn’t wake up the girl. That would be a shame, because she looked adorable right now.  
Laura walked up to her, and deciding against a surprise wake up with breakfast, planned to wake her up. Which, in hidesight, might not be the best idea seeing as she knew Carmilla slept until noon normally. But she couldn’t possibly stay in Carmilla’s apartment, wandering around, without the girl being aware of her actions. So she crouched next to the girl sprawled out over the couch and softly spoke her name, wanting to avoid startling her.  
“Carmilla?” It was barely a whisper that left her lips but it sounded loud enough to her. But for the sleeping Carmilla, it wasn’t. She didn’t budge.  
Laura took her in for a moment. Carmilla looked so peaceful. Her features looked much softer and more around than they did when she was awake. Alright, having her cheek squashed by a pillow was probably one of the causes of that, but Laura couldn’t deny that the sleeping Carmilla seemed to have a lot less on her mind. Less stress, or worries. The soft breaths Carmilla was breathing reached Laura’s face and she realized exactly how close she was leaning in. She whispered the girl’s name again, not sure if she really wanted the girl to return to the land of the living with troubles and worries to show on her features.  
“Carmilla?” Still, the girl continued to sleep undisturbed. Laura sighed. She’d never really have to wake up anyone like this before.

One of Carmilla’s locks of hair was hanging in front of her sleeping face, and Laura couldn’t help but brush it out of the way. Her fingers brushed the skin on Carmilla’s cheek and scalp, which sent shivers down her spine.  
“Camilla?” A stir, “Carm- oh, hi.” Laura’s face broke into a large smile as Carmilla groggily opened her one eye and then immediately changed to the other. She nearly purred with sleep and lifted her head only slightly to reposition herself.  
“Morning,” her voice croaked with sleep. Laura nearly started blushing from the heat that spread through her chest at the sight, and sound, of Carmilla waking up. There was a soft smile on Carmilla’s face as she shifted the weight on her elbow, pulling the hand that had been resting on the floor up to her chest. Laura could see the girl was still asleep, but putting an effort in not falling back into the land of dreams.  
Slowly, she saw Carmilla’s eyes go from a foggy dreamy state, to clear of sleep, and next a complete state of consciousness about what had played out the night before. Her expression went from peaceful and dopey even, to concerned. Laura dared say she preferred the former, especially since she was the cause of those concerns.

Carmilla sat up, legs pulled in a traditional position, and ran a hand through her hair. Laura, who had been sitting on the floor, put her arms around her knees and hugged them to her chest.  
“Do, I mean… Would you like to talk about it?” Carmilla carefully asked, probably remembering that the night before – or just mere hours before – Laura had just shook her head while tears continuously streamed down her face.  
Now, she wasn’t sure. She shrugged and sighed.  
“I’m not sure I can say it without crying about it. And I’m all out of tears.” She chuckled unwillingly. It was so stupid. She’d cried so many hours over this, and her tears had never run out. But now she felt like she couldn’t cry anymore. Not one more tear, even though she felt like she should.

The girl before her, on the couch, patted the spot next to her and gave her an encouraging nod. Laura got up from the ground and took her seat on the couch next to Carmilla. They were sitting quite close to each other. It was weird, feeling so comfortable around someone she barely even knew. Still, she had no trouble relaxing as Carmilla put her feet up and pulled the blanket off of herself to wrap around Laura. Carmilla motioned for Laura to lay down and so she did. Her head was laying on Carmilla’s lap, facing the girl. There was a calmness around Carmilla. A ubiquitous feeling of calmness and ease had always surrounded the brunette but now it was clear as day as they sat, Laura’s head in Carmilla’s lap, the girl soothing feelings she wasn’t even sure would ever have the chance of reaching the surface.  
“I guess I just don’t know where to start,” she began softly. There was a feeling of sadness in her throat but she pushed through it.  
“That’s okay,” Carmilla said. She began to run her hands through Laura’s hair. Laura focused on that instead of trying to make the words come out right.

“When I was six, my parents told me something I will never forget. Because, in that moment, I was the happiest girl alive.” Laura smiled a little at her own words, remembering how great that moment had been. “I was going to be a big sister!” She swallowed, her smile growing into a frown.  
Carmilla ran her soft fingertips over the creases and they smoothed out a bit.  
“The day of his birth was so exciting. M- mom and dad had everything ready and planned out. Everything went exactly the way they wanted it to.” She shifted her gaze from her hands, to meet Carmilla’s reassuring one encouraging her to let it all out. “Dad picked me up from the neighbours and I got to see my baby brother a few hours after he was born. They named him Zachary Graham Hollis.” Laura’s smile faded once more.  
“That was years 14 ago today.” It was becoming harder to speak through the lump in her throat so she stopped fighting it. She closed her eyes and focused on the hands running through her hair. Her mom used to do that when she was upset and it worked every time.

“For a couple of years, everything went fine. Me and little Z, as I liked to call him, were the best siblings. We didn’t fight. We played together. I didn’t mind him needing more attention or anything. Our parents loved us both equally and were absolutely the best parents in the world.” She paused to remember her mother and father happily together. Dancing around in the kitchen in the dark, only lit by an old lamp that gave a warm yellow glow. She’d snuck downstairs to get herself some water, she hadn’t been able to sleep, and walked in on her parents laughing and giggling like teenagers, or rather kids. They’d stopped mid twirl and taking in the sight of their eight year old daughter clutching her bunny tightly in one hand while rubbing sleep out of her eye with the other. They’d let her participate until she fell asleep in her dad’s arms and woke up in her bed the next day. Those had been the good days.

“Zach was a lively boy. He was always playing with his trains or legos. He wasn’t so much of a soccer kid as I was. But he still joined in whenever dad and I were playing soccer in the yard.” It was a magical feeling to relive all these memories she suppressed so badly. “Which is how we noticed something was wrong when he stopped showing interest in running after the ball with me. He would sit on the sidelines at first, playing with his trains. But that stopped too. And when he did play, he would be tired and not pay attention to where he stepped. He often tripped and got big blue bruises all over his arms and legs. Mom took him to the doctor when Zach didn’t want to eat his favorite meal anymore and that’s when we found out he had cancer.” Carmilla’s hand in her hair halted for a brief moment. When it continued, it was even softer. “They didn’t tell me the details until later, of course. I was only 10.”

“Zach mostly stayed in the hospital from that moment on. I found my mother staring out the window while doing the dishes a lot. She washed the same plate over and over. I saw dad holding her close and whispering sweet things to her but cry later on in their bedroom. It was a hard year. I barely saw my brother, and I missed him dearly. I knew what was going on, but I didn’t know the word cancer.” Her eyes welled up with tears, and her vision began to blur.

Carmilla stayed calm as she did her story. Letting her talk without interrupting but showing her she cared, and was listening. “It took the doctors a while to get him to show improvement. There wasn’t any donor for him at first, but eventually found a match. They started treating him and everything seemed to look up from that point on. Zach was still sick, but on the right track to getting his life back. A week before his birthday, he got to go home for a while. He was going to turn five.” The first tear ran down the side of her face. A few soon followed as she recalled the nine year old memories.

“I remember waking up from hearing crying. My room was next to my brother’s and our doors were open, so I heard it first. I remember walking over to him, seeing he was in pain and running to my parent’s room. I woke them up and they immediately rushed to Zach’s bed. I didn’t know what was going on, I just knew something was very, very wrong.” Laura’s face scrunched up in agony. A sob broke out and she turned on her side, facing away from Carmilla. Her legs were pulled up and she clutched the blanket tightly to her chest.  
“Laura, you don’t have to go on. I understand if this is too upsetting.” – But Laura shook her head no.  
“I want to talk about it, because in nine years, I haven’t been able to talk to anyone about this. I’m okay, Carm, I need to do this.”  
Carmilla recommenced her motions, still soothing Laura by running her fingers through her hair. Though now, one hand lay on the girl’s arm, making small circular movements with her thumb.

“There was this brief exchange between my mom and dad. Someone had to stay here to take care of me. They didn’t want me to see but they also needed to both go. To be with Zach. Eventually it was mom who took Zach and put him in the driver’s seat, so she could watch him during the drive. Dad stayed behind with me and promised me we could go to the hospital in the morning. Mom rushed out the door with her pyjama’s on and tears in her eyes while dad took me back up the stairs and tucked me in. I couldn’t sleep very well that night. I was worried about Zach. Dad had bags under his eyes when I ran into the kitchen to ask him if we could go to the hospital to see him. It was only 6 am but we were both up and didn’t want to wait. Dad tried to call mom but she’d left her phone at home. He tried calling the hospital but there was a knock at the door.” Laura knew Carmilla had long knows this was coming, but she still felt the need to say it. For herself. She hadn’t ever said the words before. Not even to her closest friends. They’d all just known. “I stood in the kitchen while my dad told me to stay put. I watched from the doorway to see my dad opening the door. Police officers greeted him with a grim face. And – And I think he knew.” She wiped at her face, trying to stop the tears from falling. “I think he already knew somehow, because though he did start crying when he heard the words, I’d seen him cry harder many times before. I think he knew, somehow.” She swallowed and chuckled in spite of herself. “Zachary fought so hard only to die in a ditch. My mom, a beautiful lady who I admired so much, was taken from me in the most maddening way possible. And I never got to blame anyone because the other driver wasn’t at fault. It was a stupid accident and no one but my mom is to blame for it, really. But I can’t be mad at her, because I love her so much.” She broke out in real sobs now. She let it all go without trying to hold it back. How fucked up was it that her brother was on the way to being healthy again, and died in a car crash. How fucked up was it that the crash had been her mother’s fault. How fucked up was it that panic and fear for her son’s life had led to the crash. It was all an unfortunate series of events in which everyone wanted to put the blame somewhere, but couldn’t, so acted it out on themselves.

Laura reached out for Carmilla’s hand and put all her power in it. All the anger and sadness she felt was poured into this moment. She needed this to be able to function later on in the day. She was glad Carmilla allowed her this, but she was slightly confused as to why this was so easy to tell Carmilla.

“It’s okay, Laura. It’s okay,” Carmilla reassured. Laura’s eyes closed and her breathing slowed. Her grip on Carmilla’s hand weakened and eventually, the girl fell into a state between sleep and consciousness. Carmilla continued to stroke her hair, she felt for the girl. More than she should, probably, but how could one person loose a sibling and mother in a single day and not be scarred for life. She would know, because she knew what it was like. But she wasn’t as happy as Laura normally was. She wasn’t as kind spirited and optimistic as Laura. She was the exact opposite really. One life event could define a person’s life forever. It was scary, really.

Eventually, Laura’s stomach growled in her sleep, and Carmilla decided to make her breakfast with whatever she had in the fridge. It wasn’t much but it would have to do. She moved to get up very slowly and carefully. Laura stirred but stayed asleep.

Carmilla opened up her fridge and got out the few eggs she had left. She always kept eggs around if she ever grew hungry. But other than that, there wasn’t much she had in the fridge that was meant to consume by humans. She tried to make the best eggs sunny side up she could, and hoped Laura would like it. Now, it was her turn to wake up the girl sleeping on the couch. She took the plate and swiftly moved through the kitchen and living area. She put the two plates and forks on the table before turning to Laura.  
Her eyes were puffy and red, but other than that, she seemed at peace. Carmilla hated to disturb that, but the girl should eat. So, she whispered her name and put a hand over Laura’s. She squeezed it and called out again. The blonde groaned but woke up.  
“Hi there,” Carmilla gave her a small smile. “Are you okay?” Laura nodded in response.  
“I’m as fine as I’ll ever be today.” She smelled the air and then looked around Carmilla. “You made me breakfast?”  
“Your stomach sounds horrible when it’s growling,” Carmilla teased. She figured to act as normal as she could. Giving her sorry looks wasn’t going to help her through the day. “Besides, we need to talk.” Carmilla stood up and handed Laura one of the plates. She grabbed the other and sat herself down on the other end of the couch.  
Laura turned to Carmilla with the plate in her hand and became serious.  
“Oh, about what?” She hoped this wouldn’t be about before, or what had happened last night. She knew she’d overstepped maybe, but – Her thoughts were interrupted by Carmilla’s smile.  
“About this new nickname you gave me.” Laura looked confused, which only made Carmilla chuckle. “You called me Carm. Twice now. Don’t you know I’m the one who’s supposed to give you nicknames?”

Finally, Laura’s face broke into a huge smile. “I didn’t realise I did that,” she said before taking a bite from her eggs. “Do you mind?” Laura asked curiously.  
There was a beat of silence before Carmilla answered.  
“Not at all.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings: Cancer, Car Crash, mentions of Death.
> 
> It's the longest chapter yet, for this story. I tried to make it end on a happy note, but it was hard to make the switch. I hope it was okay.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Laura had been enjoying the day so far. Though the thought of her mother and brother still lingered at the back of her mind, Carmilla was a very good distraction. Sometimes so much so, that Laura straight up stared at the girl. Like right now. Carmilla was clad in sweatpants and a simple shirt that had obviously shrunk in the washer. Which caused it to rise up as she was reaching for a cup in one of the top cupboards in her kitchen. A band of naked skin of Carmilla’s hip was uncovered and Laura couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to be able to trace her fingers over it. Or when Carmilla was sitting on the couch, and she was animatedly talking about some sort of history fact that was incredibly funny. Laura found herself wondering what it would be like to have that every day. To have Carmilla be there every day and be able to kiss those lips. Those soft looking lips, which she had to remind herself not to stare or even so much as glance at. Because Carmilla would know she liked her. Would that really be a bad thing? She wasn’t sure. Sometimes she just wanted to blurt out that she wanted to go on a date with her, and hold her hand, and eventually kiss her. At other times, she felt too shy and insecure for the girl who she was slowly staring to figure out.

Day one, Carmilla had been a complete mystery. She hadn’t know anything about the girl. Though she was spending more time with the girl now, she wasn’t sure she knew anything more now than she did back then. She’d known a few things: Carmilla loves her leather pants, listens to loud music, adores edible nicknames, and is incredibly talented at making her blush. By now, she’d figured out Carmilla listened to more than just loud music, she is anything but a morning person, she has a great decorative style, and is kinder than she shows once you get to know her. Where the girl came from, if she had a job, friends, or even her age, were still a mystery to Laura. But there was no way in hell she was going to ask her about her age. Or background. She knew first-hand how that question could catch one off-guard, and she simply didn’t want to put Carmilla in that position. If Carmilla ever wanted to share, she would. Laura had been sure of that.

However, they spent the entire day together, and Carmilla had not once talked about herself or any experiences from the past. Laura had opened up a bit, telling Carmilla more about her life with her dad. His phobia for wildlife and crisis when he heard she wanted to go to the big city to go to university. His loving hugs and amazing food – he was a chef at a high rated restaurant.  
Carmilla seemed open, but in fact, Laura realized she knew nothing about the girl making them both a drink right now. She stared at her before Carmilla turned back towards her and caught her eye. Laura looked down, embarrassed to have been caught. Carmilla simply smirked while holding out a cup of hot tea before her.  
“You know, I could just give you a picture. It lasts longer.” Laura snorted. “Alright, I know. Not my best.” Laura just shook her head in disbelief. Carmilla sat down and took a sip from the steaming cup. “I hope you like mint.”  
“It’s my favorite.” Laura smiled and blew on the hot water. How Carmilla was able to drink it this hot was beyond her. “I’m not really a coffee person.” She snuggled further into the couch and held the mug in between the palms of her hands.  
“Are you feeling better?” Carmilla asked her. It was the first time since breakfast that Carmilla asked her, and she actually felt okay.  
“Yeah, I mean, it still hurts to think about it, but it’s been nine years. Every year it’s both more difficult, and easier at the same time. It’s hard to explain, but do you get it?” Laura found it hard to put her feelings into words sometimes. She might be an aspiring journalist, putting sadness and heartbreak into words, expressing herself when it came to this topic, was impossible. Every year the brightness in her mother’s eyes faded a bit more. Every year the sharp edges of her mother’s cheekbones became more rounded. Every year the struggle to recall her mother’s voice became harder. Every year she forgot what her mother looked like a little bit more.  
The first year without her had been the hardest, having to rely on her parents for so much at her young age. Missing her mother had been hard on them both. Missing her brother was like going days without seeing the sun. Both of them had been so incredibly important to them, and to have that stripped away from them in a single night was hard. Like a punch in the gut. As the days went by, living without them became their new normal, and so as time passed, easier. The hole they left in their hearts had shrunk, but it was still there. Even after nine years.  
Carmilla snapped her out of her troubled thoughts with a surprising answer.  
“Actually, I do get it.” It was the first thing Carmilla said that hinted their anything of her past. And Laura was both happy and sad. Glad that Carmilla felt comfortable enough to talk to her, but sad because of what it was. She never wanted anyone to know the sadness she did. Her expression must have given away what was going through her mind because Carmilla continued, “Don’t worry. It was long ago and I’m okay now.” She took another sip of her tea and Laura followed her example. The hot liquid felt nice in her throat, washing the feeling of tears away.

“Hey, do you want to watch a movie?” Carmilla started suddenly changing topic, “I haven’t really been able to enjoy movies lately, so I have no idea what’s new or good. You can pick one if you’d like.” Laura didn’t need to think twice and eagerly nodded. She was totally up for a feel-good movie, but somehow she figured that wasn’t necessarily what Carmilla had in mind when she made the proposition. “I have a few DVD’s up there on the shelf, or we could search Netflix or something.” The girl shrugged and let Laura wander off to the shelf filled with DVD’s and even some VHS tapes.  
“You still have VHS? Wow, they’re old. I remember those good old days. Or rather bad days. They could be a pain in the ass too.” For some reason, this made Carmilla chuckle, to which Laura gave her an odd look over her shoulder, but she continued to read the titles, searching for either something familiar or an intriguing one. Titles could really make or break the movie.

Laura read various titles, most of them unknown to her. Either they were old black and white movies, like one about a man named Castle and his wife who were this famous dancer couple – note to self: ask Carmilla to borrow this later – or relatively new indie movies. It wasn’t until she neared the furthest side of the shelf, nearing the VHS tapes, that she saw a familiar title standing in between the titles. Her face immediately lit up.  
“I don’t know why,” she said, and Carmilla looked up at her, “but I didn’t expect to see a Disney entry in between all these oldies.” Carmilla rolled her eyes but looked down to avoid looking at the girl.  
“I- um, got it from a friend?” she opted.  
“I know it’s not Easter, but perhaps we could watch it anyway?” Laura asked her, hoping she could watch this visually stunning movie with Carmilla.  
Carmilla waited a moment before responding, seemingly making a very hard decision before finally sighing. “Alright, we can watch it.” Secretly, she was glad she had an excuse to watch the movie again, but Laura didn’t need to know that she basically knew the movie by heart. It was one of the few Disney movies she truly enjoyed.  
Laura grabbed the DVD off the shelf with one hand, keeping her snug and warm blanket close around her shoulders with the other. There was something nice about having the actual DVD instead of just looking it up on Netflix. She knew it was on there too, but still preferred putting in the DVD and watching the commercials while she got settled into her comfortable spot on the couch again.  
“Can we skip them? It’s not like it’s anything new.” Carmilla groaned as a commercial for Frozen came on. Yeah no, there was no way in hell she was ever watching that.  
“Oh come on, I enjoy these. It’s like a little nostalgia whenever you see them. Take this one for example,” she motioned towards the TV. A commercial for the new high quality version of Bambi II started and Laura gained a wide smile on her face. “I loved Bambi as a kid, and Bambi II was good too, in my opinion.”  
“Sequels suck, you know?” Carmilla raised an eyebrow.  
“Yeah, but this one was pretty good, don’t you think?” Laura said, hoping to get a reaction to show Carmilla was actually a huge sap for Disney movies. But the girl merely shrugged before turning to the TV as the main screen of the film came into view.  
“You want subtitles?” Laura asked, but she was pretty sure it would be unnecessary. Carmilla shook her head so Laura started the movie.  
_The Legend of the Guardians_ truly swept her away with its stunning visuals, the snowflakes in the opening were already beautiful. But her marvel over the visuals was soon replaced with confusion as the audio came on.  
_“Dunkelheit,”_ she heard the voice say but there were subtitles that read “Darkness”. A string of words in an unknown language followed and Carmilla’s eyes widened as Laura’s face turned into a frown before bursting out in laughter.  
“Wow, that gave a sad moment an unexpected twist,” Laura said as Carmilla snatched the remote and went back to the home screen, put the audio settings on English and turned the subtitles off. “I didn’t know you could speak” – Laura hesitated before realizing she had no idea what language that was, not having paid attention to the screen, “Well, whatever that was.”  
Carmilla was even paler as usual, frightened by Laura’s discovery. Why she would be frightened, Laura couldn’t phantom. The movie started again from the _Dreamworks_ opening scene with the snowflakes, and Carmilla sunk back into the couch, hugging the pillow close.  
“German,” she said so soft Laura almost hadn’t noticed.  
“Huh?”  
“It’s German,” Carmilla said again, eyes glued to the screen.  
“That’s amazing!” Laura smiled at her, completely ignoring the first scene of the movie. She knew what it was about anyways.  
Carmilla looked at her then, with an unreadable expression on her face. “I lived there when I was young. It’s no big deal.”  
“Knowing another language is so cool. I only know English.” Laura looked disappointed with herself. She’d always wanted to learn Spanish or French, or Japanese… She’d just never been good at it. Carmilla seemed to lighten up a little then.  
“I lived in Europe back then, I had to learn a lot of languages.” Carmilla shrugged but Laura looked at her in wonder.  
“Wait, how many languages do you know exactly?” Laura’s eyes were big.  
“I haven’t really counted them. A few modern ones, at least.” Carmilla turned back to the movie, and Laura copied the motion after letting her eyes linger on the girl for a moment, trying to apprehend the newfound information she just received. Carmilla had lived in Europe when she was young. Europe. Meaning different countries. Now she lived here, speaking fluent English. She’d also lost someone close to her when she was young, because as she said, it was a long time ago…

Laura enjoyed the rest of the movie, but still glanced over at Carmilla every once in a while. Watching the girl watch the movie was about as entertaining as watching the movie itself. As Jack Frost tried to figure himself out, Laura tried the same with Carmilla. They still didn’t know each other very well, but Laura was looking forward to getting to know the beautiful girl a bit better every day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had two weeks of Easter break, and though I did have a bit of time to write, it wasn't nearly as much as I'd anticipated. Plus, I'm working on 4 stories at the moment, alongside two major school assignments and regular homework. It's been busy, but I've had time to relax. 
> 
> I hope the chapter is okay and you enjoyed it. Sorry to the Taking Chances readers who didn't get a chapter last week.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cute warning: FLUFF (Yay, we're back to happy stuff)

**Chapter 10**

That evening, long after the first movie, Laura said goodnight to Carmilla.   
“I don’t know about you, but I need my beauty sleep.” She’d gotten up from the couch and Carmilla followed. It was only polite to see her guest out, wasn’t it?   
“It’s not like you need it, cutie.” It was out before she knew it. It’s not like she could control these sudden flirtatious urges while in the company of such a lovely young lady, but she kind of regretted it nevertheless. Though, when she saw the blush on Laura’s cheeks rise up through the darkness of her apartment, she was satisfied she had not offended the girl.   
Laura had grabbed all her stuff and was walking towards the door where Carmilla was waiting to see her out. Alright, so offering to ‘walk her home’ would be a bit much, but she would lie if she promised not to watch until she got safely inside.   
“Please, I can make it across the hall by myself,” Laura scoffed.   
“Oh I know,” Carmilla went on, “I figure it’s just the right thing to do.” Laura was clutching her sweater – which she’d shed when underneath the warm blanket – with both hands in front of her as she looked down. Carmilla could see a small smile creeping up on her face. And then she did that stunning thing she sometimes does, which drives Carmilla absolutely insane; Laura bit her lip. In that seductive, ‘I’m sexy and I know it’ kind of way.   
Carmilla was so enchanted she was sure Laura caught her staring at her lips, but vampires don’t blush, so there was no sign of the emotions she felt rushing through her.   
“Thank you, Carm. For today, and last night.” Laura locked her eyes with Carmilla’s. The latter wasn’t sure she remembered how to breathe. She’d been able to control her emotions much better before their little movie marathon and seeing the girl so vulnerable in her crying state. She’d just felt so much for her, and it was hard to listen to that screaming voice in her head that told her she was just going to hurt her. The voice was loud, but never louder than her not-so-beating heart.   
“For you? Anytime.” The smile she got in return was magical. Instead of responding, Laura regarded her for a moment before Carmilla could see her make a decision to an internal debate. Carmilla was about to say something to break the silence when Laura leaned in and lifted her heels off the floor. Laura’s lips brushed barely millimeters beside her own before pressing a soft kiss to her cheek. Her breathing – though not even functional – stocked. Perplexed, she was rooted to the spot as Laura pulled back and bid her goodnight before slipping out of the apartment. She still felt the tingles of Laura’s soft lips hours later as she stared up at her starry ceiling. Sleep came easy to her that night. She fell asleep thinking about her neighbour and all their past interactions, not even noticing it was barely one AM.

\--

Laura walked out the door with her backpack thrown over one shoulder. She put her keys away and took out her iPod and earplugs. She pressed the button for the elevator, not feeling like the stairs were a good idea in her sleepy state. It wasn’t that early – she luckily didn’t have a morning class today – but she’d just woken up. An odd dream came to her at night, but she forgot what it was about the moment she woke up. The feeling however, lingered longer.   
The elevator doors started to open and she was about to step in when she looked up and saw Carmilla. Huh?   
"You’re up early,” she remarked without second thought. Carmilla’s eyes widened and her arms swung around her back. She seemed to have caught her off guard. But it lasted only for a second, as Carmilla’s lips formed back into her usual smirk.   
“I have my moments.” Mysterious as ever, that Carm… The other girl moved to pass by her to get out of the elevator, and turned in time to keep her eyes on Laura. Was she hiding something behind her back or did she just like to stare? Maybe it was both.   
“Don’t you have class today?” Laura curiously asked. It’s not like she had really seen Carmilla around before they met. Not that she recalled anyways. Truthfully, after they’d met for the first time, she had tried to spot Carmilla, but mostly came up empty. It was true she seen the girl even fewer times in the past month than ever before.   
Carmilla shrugged, “I haven’t been in a while.” She said it as if it was no big deal. School was a big deal for most people. But she knew many people who just couldn’t handle the system or pay the bills or just take the courses without staying healthy, mentally or physically. Maybe Carmilla needed the space too? Add another question to the never ending list of questions she had about Carmilla. Only ever more questions, never any answers. “If you’re not quick, that elevator’s going to be gone without you, cupcake.” Carmilla gave her a wink before grabbing her own keys and entering the apartment after unlocking the door in a swift move. One hand had still been behind her back. Laura simply stepped into the elevator, picked a song, and wondered what Carmilla had to hide – then realized it wasn’t her place to ask questions – and tried to put her mind at ease with a playlist of carefully selected songs to perform the task.

Her classes weren’t all bad today. She learnt a lot of new techniques and little things that probably would never be relevant in her life – unless she was to sign up for a game show called ‘most random facts you can think of.’ She met up with a few friends to grab lunch. They asked her how everything was in a very discreet manner. Some of them knew about her family, others didn’t, but they saw each other so little lately that they had to take the opportunity to ask when it rose. She assured them she was okay, that she ate and took care of herself, conveniently leaving out the part where Carmilla basically made sure she was okay the entire time. She hadn’t really felt the need to share her neighbour and new found friend with the rest of them. She didn’t particularly want to start today either, so she just omitted the fact. Eventually the ground of friends split up again, each of them going to their respective classes. Laura felt good after not having seen them for such a long time, though one of her rather sarcastic guy friends she referred to as B, managed to make her roll her eyes more than a couple of times. He meant well. They all did. That’s what she liked about her friends, they were all unapologetically themselves and felt comfortable in being so. Even though she saw them little nowadays.

By the time she got back home from her afternoon class, she was craving those cookies that she never even bothered to find a spot in the cupboard. They’d be eaten within a day or two anyways so she kept them in a jar on her desk. As soon as she unlocked her door, she walked into her living room and dropped the bag next to the couch. She felt like lounging around instead of studying, so she made an understanding with herself. She’d work on her projects and study, but she’d do it from the comfortable position of her couch with a record playing in the background. Yeah, she could totally pull that off. She quickly reached for one of her favorite records, David Bowie, duh, and put it on before dancing around to grab everything she needed. She walked to her desk and snatched the packet of cookies before grabbing some textbooks she needed and dropping them off at her coffee table. She was finally all set up to go, having found a very comfortable position on her couch to work, cookie eagerly in her mouth, coffee cup within reach, when someone decided it would be fun to disturb her by knocking at her door, making her moody almost instantly. This was almost as bad as finding a good sleeping position and then realizing you have to pee.   
“God dammit,” she mumbled as she hoisted herself out of the couch, putting the laptop away and grabbing ahold of the cookie that was on the verge of breaking and falling. She munched on the bite in her mouth, trying to clear it before opening the door. When a second series of knocks echoed through the apartment, she tried her best to make a clear sentence with the cookie still in her mouth,“Hold on, m’commin.”

She was just about to swallow her bite when she swung the door open to reveal a leather clad Carmilla. If it wasn’t for the cookie, her mouth would have fallen open at the looks of her. Carmilla was just plain hot in her leather pants with a white casual shirt and checked shirt tied around her hips. As if on cue, the opening guitar riff to _Joe the Lion_ started playing, and it was like a movie moment. Laura gulped down the last of the cookie and made sure not to look anywhere but Carmilla’s face.   
“Hey, creampuff,” Carmilla said, leaning against the doorframe as if showing up in an outfit that hot was a normal every day thing. “You got some good music playing there.”   
“Huh?” _For fuck’s sake Laura, keep it together_ , “Oh yeah. It’s one of my favorites after all.”   
“Fleetwood Mac, David Bowie… Damn, I had you pegged for a Taylor Swift and all those boybands kind of gal.” Laura was slightly offended at that.   
“Hey, just because they’re modern or mainstream or whatever doesn’t mean they’re bad. Just a different kind of music.” Laura crossed her arms and gave her a challenging look. Two could play this game.   
“Very wise words for such a young woman as yourself,” Carmilla did that one sided smirk she did and Laura nearly melted again. Maybe it was hormones, maybe it was the outfit or the long day, but she found it rather hard to keep up. It hadn’t been that hard to be close to Carmilla over the weekend. She’d been a different Carmilla then too. Not at tough as she was now. More caring. But Laura had known Carmilla to show many sides in the course of an hour.   
Before Laura could truly respond to her, Carmilla motioned with her hand. “Uh, you got something there,” she gestured, “on your cheek.” Of course, the damn cookie. The chocolate must have been touching her cheek for too long. She immediately started wiping at her face, which made Carmilla chuckle. “You’re not even close. Here, let me get it for you.” Carmilla moved her hand up to her chin and held it loosely up while using her thumb to brush off whatever it was that had actually been on her face. It was so close to her actual lips that feeling Carmilla’s thumb nearly brush over them made her breathing stock. She resisted the urge to lick her lips just long enough for Carmilla to pull her hand back. In a soft voice, she said “There.”   
Laura had been watching Carmilla’s eyes while Carmilla had been watching Laura’s lips. As soon as their eyes met, Laura felt as if she could breathe again. Finding nothing else to say, she snapped out of the moment and softly spoke, “Do you want to come inside?” All school work forgotten, preferring the company of her beautiful neighbour over it any day.   
“Yeah, okay,” Carmilla nodded.

Laura let Carmilla inside, and even though she’d been here before, it felt different somehow. Carmilla seemed not to notice though. The girl walked right up to her record collection and let her eyes roam.   
“You can borrow one of those if you’d like,” Laura suggested. Any excuse to see Carmilla more often being good enough. There was only a handful she really played often. And if she were to miss any of them while in Carmilla’s possession, she could always just walk across the hall to ask them back.   
“Thanks, but I don’t have a record player anymore. Everything is digital nowadays.” She let out a sigh and Laura couldn’t help but agree. Though it was convenient on the go, there was something about actual vinyl that charmed her more than any extra perks a digital copy could give her.

Joe the Lion came to an end and both of them seemed to know exactly which song would start in a second or two.   
“This is a beautiful song,” Laura started.   
“Only the best in the world,” Carmilla continued.   
“He was remarkable, but there’s just something about Heroes that gets me every time.” Laura was walking around the couch towards the record collection of the shelves. Carmilla hummed in agreement, and they both enjoyed the melody before the singing began.

Laura will never forget the moment she first heard Carmilla singing. She already had a voice that could charm her so well, but her singing voice was just out of this world. As David Bowie began to sing his famous first lines of Heroes, so did Carmilla.   
“ _I,_ ” she turned to Laura, “ _I will be King_.” She smirked, “ _And you, you will be Queen_.” She extended a hand to Laura and Laura chuckled.   
“You’re asking me to dance?”   
Carmilla skipped singing the line to respond, “Absolutely, cutie. This song needs to be enjoyed every time you hear it.” Laura turned to the stereo and turned up the volume a bit before accepting Carmilla’s offer.   
_“We can beat them, just for one day_ ,” Carmilla continued, pulling Laura a little closer by putting a hand on the other girl’s waist. Then Laura chimed in.   
“ _We can be Heroes_ ,” Carmilla seemed impressed, “ _just for one day_.”

Carmilla spun them around and took the lead as she continued to sing along to the song. She did it softly though, pulling Laura a little closer and nearly singing it into her ear. Laura was glad Carmilla couldn’t see her face when she sang the lines ‘ _Cause we’re lovers, and that is a fact. Yes we’re lovers, and that is that_.’ Oh how bad she wished it to be true.

_“We could steal time, just for one day_ ,” Carmilla went on.

Before, it may have been a crush on the girl next door who was anything but the stereotype. Or a flirtation with a friend. But now she full on realized the scale of it all. The fact she’d nearly kissed Carmilla twice now and the fact that she really wanted it too.

_“We can be Heroes, for ever and ever.”_

This wasn’t just a crush or a fling she was developing, no. She was actually really starting to feel something for Carmilla and even though she was now safely in her arms, it scared her more than she’d liked to admit.

“ _What d’you say?”_

She wanted to lay her head on Carmilla’s shoulder, but then started doubting if that was something they could do and she started to overthink it too much. She couldn’t even hear Carmilla’s voice over her own thoughts anymore. She decided against it as Carmilla guided her in their little dance across the living room and kitchen.

Somehow, Carmilla must have sensed Laura’s shift in moods, or thought, because their movements stopped before the song was even completely over.   
“Hey, are you alright?” The vibrations of Carmilla’s low voice rang through her and gave her chills.   
“Mhh, yeah I’m alright.” Something told Laura the frown on her face that had formed there wasn’t helping convincing the other girl. “Just got lost in thought, sorry.”   
“Hey,” Carmilla dropped their hands to in between them without letting her hand go. The one that hand been on her waist moved to her upper arm. “There’s no need to apologize.” Carmilla gave her a small smile and that seemed to help. Carmilla made everything better.   
She just nodded, “I know. It’s a habit.” She looked down for a moment and when she looked up again, she realized how close they were actually standing to each other. This time she couldn’t stop herself from liking her lips and biting into her lower one. Carmilla just made her so nervous. In a good way, but with all these revelations really surfacing now more than before… She felt overwhelmed.

Carmilla’s hand on her shoulder moved along her arm to her other hand and she gave them a squeeze. “I saw you have work to do,” She started, and Laura felt where this was going. Though she was glad Carmilla didn’t actually make a move to kiss her – that would have been too much in the moment – she didn’t want her to go either.   
“You can just watch TV or something while I work a bit. Or you can go through my collection and pick a few you’d like to convert to digital. I like the background noise and company.” _Your company_ , she thought.   
“You know what, cupcake? I can totally life with that, you got yourself a deal.” Carmilla smiled and let go of Laura’s hands, walking back to the collection on the shelves she’d briefly been able to study when she was here for waffles weeks ago. “As long as I don’t have to help you take an interview or something.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I find writing Fluff much harder than Angst, so I try to leave an element of "angst" or this waiting game, in there. I hope you all enjoyed it! I wrote this so quickly tbh I don't know how I managed.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy ;)

**Chapter 11**

Carmilla had been spending more and more time across the hall. It was just nice to be in Laura’s company, instead of hiding out alone in her apartment. She’d drink up some liquid energy in the mornings – which were more along the lines of noon – and drank some right before she went to sleep around two or three AM. That way, she got through the day just fine without having to go back to her place. This only happened when Laura was home, though. When the girl had glasses, she did whatever she could to pass time. You’d think, with years of experience of passing through meaningless time, she’d be a bit better at it than she actually turned out to be. It proved to be a great challenge to her when all she could see while reading the words on a page of her books was blonde hair and sparkling brown eyes. Or when she listened to music, all she could think of was how well Laura had fitted in between her arms, encircling the human form to dance them through the apartment.

Every time this happened, whenever she caught herself thinking of Laura, she sighed or groaned and tried to distract herself with something else. It’s not like she was still actively trying to stop herself from liking Laura. She’d given up on that long ago. She liked her, it was pretty clear by now. But she was still trying not to let Laura consume her life. That would be unhealthy. So she tried not to Laura be the sole focus on her mind, which was proving to be rather hard this particular day. They’d nearly kissed three times, the latest being nearly two weeks ago and she was starting to lose her mind. Within that two week period, she’d thought of kissing Laura every single time they were together, but she wasn’t sure if Laura was ready for it. So she waited, and told herself to be patient and respectful. She wasn’t really sure Laura even saw her in that way, but then she’d tell herself that it would be clear as day to anyone else that Laura was at least sort of into her. Maybe she just needed someone to tell her out loud. But she didn’t really have anyone to do that for her.

She was glad she’d get to spend the evening with Laura. They’d agreed to have movie nights on Fridays. Every time they watched one, they’d start off on either ends of the same couch. As the movie would continue, their proximity shrunk. Every single time. (Alright, this would only be their fourth movie night, but three in a row was enough to be sure it’d continue.) Carmilla wasn’t complaining. But the proximity never closed the gap entirely, of course not, that would be weird, right? Perhaps…

They’d do them at her place, which gave her an excuse to clean up when she woke up. She didn’t really need to impress the girl anymore, but still wanted it to look at least a little clean around the house. It wasn’t like she made the messes on purpose. She was just so damn lazy. What else would you be with all the time in the world?

That formed another dilemma. Her state of … well, being undead. She didn’t really want to lie to Laura by not telling her, something she didn’t really consider lying. It was more like omitting the truth. Still, she felt like, if they ever became something more, Laura should at least know. Because of her lack of experience with telling people, she wasn’t sure she was going to be ready to have that conversation. Yet. Because she’d have to. Sooner rather than later.

But then Laura was standing at her door with a pack of cookies in left hand, and two cups of coffee – “decaf for me though” – in the other, while a huge grin was plastered on her face and all those worries and concerns about her past and being suddenly drifted away, in favor of spending time with this lovely lady. She didn’t want to give that up. She was about 90% sure the conversation wouldn’t end well for her. And if it didn’t go well for her, in the end it wouldn’t be good for Laura either. She couldn’t risk letting anyone she couldn’t trust to keep her secret, walk around, maybe telling someone, on purpose or otherwise. She only hoped it would never come to that with Laura. Laura was too precious. Too lovely. Too kind to fall victim to her vicious world.

“Earth too Carmilla? Hellooo,” Laura waved a hand in front of her face and she snapped out of her thoughts.   
“Hmm? Oh, sorry.” She was thinking of every possible outcome if she told Laura, and none looked too optimistic.   
“You don’t really seem to be enjoying the movie. Want to watch another one?” Laura asked. Carmilla knew that it wouldn’t fix it, though. It wouldn’t fix the fact that she should tell the girl she was so into that she was a vampire, and that if anything more was to ever happen, it could only last a couple of years max, before their relationship would have to be introduced in another way than girlfriends. Or she’d just have to leave, for both of their sakes.

A hand suddenly covered her own hands and the couch dipped right next to her.   
“Hey, are you okay?” Laura’s voice was soft, concerned, and it was nice. To have someone care about her wellbeing.   
“I’m not good company tonight, am I?” She gave Laura a small smile as she looked at her, and once again she was struck with how beautiful Laura looked. Laura’s eyes focused on her, and nothing else. But still, she couldn’t get herself to voice her concern, afraid of losing Laura’s the second she opened her mouth.   
“We don’t have to talk about it, if you don’t want to.” Carmilla’s heart fluttered as Laura gave her a smile that was genuine and not sad at all. She smiled in return, telling her that she was grateful without using any words. They’d become better at that throughout the weeks, and it gave her a special feeling she couldn’t describe. To have that kind of understanding with someone.

Laura moved away a bit, and let go of her hands, a feeling she instantly missed. But the next moment, Laura patted her legs and looked at her expectantly. For a moment, she was confused, until she figured out exactly what Laura was expecting. She moved to sit sideways on the couch, before leaning back and resting her head on Laura’s lap.   
They remained in silence for a while, Laura watching the movie and Carmilla watching Laura. At one point, Laura started to run her fingers through Carmilla’s hair. She wasn’t sure that there wasn’t a heaven anymore, because at that moment, it existed in the form of Laura Hollis. As Laura reacted to the movie, Carmilla’s swore her heart swelled. How she’d gotten so attached to this girl in so little time, she still didn’t know. But all the worries and debates her mind was trying to win over her heart lost as her heart took control of her mind. For the first time in maybe a century, her heart actually won.   
_She really is beautiful_ , Carmilla thought as she looked at Laura. _Inside and out_. Oh how much she wanted to lean up and kiss her right now. She bit her lip to keep herself from smiling when thinking of how great it could be.

As if on cue, Laura looked at her and smiled. “Hey, are you feeling better?” Carmilla simply nodded in return. “That’s good.” She seemed to hesitate a moment before going on, “What’s on that mind of yours?”   
_Kissing you_. No, she wasn’t going to actually say that, but it was the truth. And as Laura looked at her so tenderly, she could actually just lean up and get acquainted with those soft looking lips.

Carmilla swore she never blushed, but at that moment, she did actually feel hot in her face, thinking of kissing someone but not actually daring too had never really seemed her style. But Laura made everything different. She made it better. She made her better.   
So she decided to not entirely lie. “You.” She waited a moment, seeing Laura’s cheeks turn a shade of pink, before continuing, “And me. This movie night. How much I enjoy the cookies you bring,” she teased and Laura chuckled softly.   
“Oh, so you are just using me for me cookies, is that it?” Laura laughed as she crossed her arms in an effort to look persistent. It was truly adorable.   
“Yup, I most certainly am,” Carmilla grinned. She pulled herself back into a sitting position. Though she enjoyed looking up at Laura, it was better to tease her when looking straight at her. She turned to face Laura, still sitting sideways on the couch with her legs crossed.   
“You’re such a bad liar,” Laura laughed wholeheartedly which was music to Carmilla’s ears.   
“No I’m not!” Carmilla exclaimed, thoroughly enjoying this moment of banter between them.   
Laura studied her for a moment between nodding, “Alright. If you’re just interested in my cookies, I’ll just go.” It was Laura’s turn to smirk, actually standing up and moving towards the door.   
Carmilla’s eyes widened. No. She didn’t want her to go. Not yet. She scurried up from the couch and grabbed Laura’s hand in the middle of her living room, right between the door and couch. “Wait!”   
She pulled on Laura’s hand and Laura turned, spinning towards Carmilla.   
They were so close together that Laura’s smile fell off her face when she looked at Carmilla. She visibly swallowed as her eyes flicked between Carmilla’s lips and eyes.   
“Don’t go,” Carmilla spoke as soft as ever, one hand on Laura’s arm, the other still holding Laura’s hand.   
“Okay,” Laura said just as softly. Carmilla nearly sighed in relief while a small smile formed on her face, her eyes closing for just a second. When she opened them, Laura’s expression had changed.   
Instead of trying to figure out what it meant, she took a step back without turning away from Laura, wanting to lead them back to the couch. But Laura pulled her back with their intertwined hands and slipped one hand into her hair at the back of her head. She was stunned and realized this was actually happening just before she felt soft lips touch hers. Her eyes fluttered shut as she melted into the soft kiss, a range of emotions rushing through her. Her own hand found its way to the small of Laura’s back, pulling her close, while the other detached itself from Laura’s hand in favor of running up the girl’s arm. Their lips moved slowly against each other, never dethatching. Their noses brushed, switching sides before Laura moved to deepen the kiss. The moment their tongues touched, Carmilla felt shivers run through her body. A soft moan escaped her lips, and she felt Laura whimper in response. The hand at her scalp moved to her cup her jaw, the feeling so tender.   
Just as Laura had initiated the kiss, she was the one to pull away first, resting her forehead against Carmilla’s. A soft chuckle escaped her lips and she smiled as she looked into Carmilla’s dark eyes.   
“That was”- Carmilla began, trying to catch her breath.   
“Wow,” Laura bit her lip, trying to keep her smile at bay, and utterly failing. Before Carmilla could say anything else, Laura spoke again. “I’ve been wanting to do that for months.” She blushed at the confession. Carmilla was stunned, happily so, but speechless. She could only peck Laura’s lips again in response. Laura squeaked and Carmilla chuckled. She was so happy in this moment.

She took Laura’s hands in hers and led her back to the couch, not quite ready to say goodbye after that kiss. She sat down, Laura slid in next to her without any gap in between the two of them. It’s amazing how much could change in just five minutes. She turned off the TV, preferring to talk to Laura instead, but she did turn on the radio.   
“So, you’ve been wanting to do that for months, huh?” Carmilla teased, enjoying the way Laura’s cheeks were still pink, not necessarily from the teasing.   
“Oh shush, you enjoyed it just as much as I did.” Carmilla couldn’t agree more. So she did the only thing she too has been wanting to do for a long time now. She kissed her. Again and again. Slow or faster, short or long and deep. Laura giggled a couple of times mid kiss, apologizing every time, and Carmilla telling her she had nothing to apologize for, every time. This was a thing now. Carmilla could kiss her now. Still asking if it was okay, silently or verbally, but that tension of the first kiss was gone now. After they lost count of how many times they’d kissed, they just lied in each other’s arms on the couch and Laura told Carmilla about her day. It was nice, this change in between them without really having changed much.They were still friends, they still talked, teased, and annoyed each other, but now they could exchange kisses in between. So they did, until they were too tired. Laura fell asleep first, and Carmilla carried the girl back to her own apartment and put her to bed, giving her a soft kiss on her forehead before leaving the room. She locked the door and decided to sleep on Laura’s couch, preferring the proximity to her own bed.She was happy. Happier than she’d been in a long time. She fell asleep with a smile on her face, dreaming of the girl with honey brown eyes and golden hair. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm off to Barcelona in only a few hours but really wanted to give you this update. I've been catching my breath the past few days after weeks of schoolwork stacking up. It's not going to be easier, my exams are coming up, but I'm going to try and update this on it's regular schedule. 
> 
> As always, you can find me at Caskettmyheart.tumblr.com


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